• You tell a child that you were warned Santa leaves coal in the stocking of children who misbehave. Child says: “What’s coal?”
• You remember the joy of getting your first television in the house. All the neighbourhood kids are your new best friends. Your father allows them to watch if they do not make a sound.
• You remember what you were doing when JFK was killed. Typing class. Grade nine.
• You realize that your best friend has been that for over forty years.
• You remember some sad things, like how racial slurs were slung around freely and nobody said “That is so wrong.”
• You remember what your city was like before it was on drugs. Shootings were only at deer in the woods. Murders were very rare.
• The hot hairstyles you wore in the sixties and seventies? You’re wearing them again. Not the miniskirts though. That would be sad.
• What happened in the home, stayed in the home. Don’t miss that one.
• Most of the people you went to highschool with are either bald, fat, or both.
• The ultimate in processed foods was Cheez Whiz. Produce and meat came from actual farms and not agribusinesses. You didn’t have to pay extra for organic. The chickens just scratched in the dirt and ate what they found. The yummy chickens.
• You remember cigarette ads on tv with real doctors. There were ashtrays in the doctor’s waiting room.
• You don’t remember your real hair colour.
• You try to replace those things in the kitchen that make the stove work, and struggle to remember the word “fuse”
• Finally, you know you’re old when you have to lift your boobs in order to wash your knees.

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