When Ass Burger Boy was about nine years old, he announced that he was never going to leave home. I replied that he could live home as long as he pursued his education or had a job.
Note: World of Warcraft is not a job. Monday, we find out if he will be attending community college yet again this semester.
When he graduated high school, he said to me: “Mom, I bet you’d thought you would never see this day.” to which I replied, because I’m quick that way : “Oh, I knew I would see the day. I just wasn’t sure how old you would be when I saw it.”
He was pleased to be, as he so charmingly put it: “Getting out of Hell.” The social situations of school were very stressful to him, with the ever-present mouth-breathers who liked to call him “retard” or whatever lovely sobriquet their tiny little brains came up with. When they had a thought.
I was very nervous when he graduated because I was the only member of his family present. There was a lot of noise made by family members of graduating students, and I had a very sore throat.
Right before his name was called, there was a stellar graduate, who won a coveted scholarship, was active in sports, and an all-round popular, good guy. I cringed a little when the all the noise happened.
When it was Ass Burger Boy’s turn, it absolutely astonished me that the most noise made in the auditorium that day was for HIM! It truly was a teary-eyed experience.
I hope he learned something that day. School was so stressful for him because he obsessed over the mouth-breathers. He wasn’t even remotely aware how many people were pulling for him to succeed.
He’s already griping about the new people he doesn’t know yet, and about the chemistry instructor that he doesn’t like.
I’m resigned to the fact that his schooling will take a lot longer than that of a usual offspring. This is not an entirely small matter, as it impacts my social life somewhat.
Phone: Ring, ring.
Male voice: “I’m calling to see if witchypoo is ready for our date.”
ABB: (in little kid voice) “Are you my new Daddy?”