December 20th, 2007

My younger son, Ass Burger Boy, has made it his mission early in life to find out who he really is. I’m not sure if this is peculiar to him or to Asperger’s Syndrome.

His journey has taken some interesting turns, to say the least.

When he was about nine years old, he was fascinated with black people.

He talked black, he walked black. He did what he could to gather information. He wanted to know about black people on a personal level. This, of course, means engaging in conversation. His conversation skills are noteworthy in that he is articulate, but needs polish.

Every black person he saw, he struck up a conversation with, beginning with the ice-breaker: “I see that you are black.” What? What does a person answer to that? “Good eye, Ass Burger Boy.”????

We live in an area where there is some racial tension. I’m sad about this, but it is a fact of life here. I felt it necessary to advise him that some people might interpret his opening gambit as round one of a fight.

He takes everything literally.

ABB was at my mom’s when I brought a lovely new acquaintance with me for lunch.

ABB, always the social butterfly who Must.Dominate.Every.Freaking.Conversation. gives his dazzling conversation skills his new opening: “I see that you are not black.”

Except that she was.

I lost a potential friend that day because I didn’t have the chops to explain how this whole situation came about.

A few years after that, he became a Back Street Boy. Wore white all the time. Sang all the songs. Attended his prom dressed in white.

Now he thinks he’s Greek. That might be funny if it weren’t true. He switched to the Greek Orthodox Church, serves on the altar, is learning the language, and dreams of living on the Greek Islands.

My wish is that he will discover that who he is can be just fine, without assuming an identity. So far, he’s not buying it.

Whoever said that children don’t come with a manual was so not kidding.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 20th, 2007 at 10:36 am and is filed under Ass Burger Boy, little bits. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to “Who is Ass Burger Boy?”

iamthediva Says:

i hope he finds himself.

Evil Woobie Says:

thanks for inviting me to your blog (by commenting on mine). your writing reminds me of a soft wind that just goes by to refresh people. Really. I read every word and I was so entertained. Thanks! I’m subscribing!

Evil Woobie’s last blog post..WB Advertisers Refuse to Pay for Asian Traffic

Wow. High praise. Thank you. I’ll point this out to ABB when he reads the post and says :”Why, Mom, why??????”

Calamity Says:

Hopefully he will eventually find that who he is, is who he is, and he doesnt need to change anything. It must be exhausting to always be reinventing yourself!

Mommi Tutu Says:

I’m entertained by this story, because I can relate. Though I didn’t got the extremes ABB has, struggling with finding who I was was difficult. At least he is in pursuit . . .and that road will eventually lead him to who he really is inside. And may that road not offend too many people along the way :)

Mommi Tutu’s last blog post..Lameness

Jenny Says:

He needs a shirt that reads: “Hi, I’m Ass Burger Boy. Be forewarned: I say what I think. You should respond likewise.”

How refreshing that somebody in this world actually says what they think because they aren’t restrained by public opinion. His soul must be a million times more free than we will ever know. I’m sure he has absolutely no intention of being rude, mean or insulting…he’s just using the words he knows.

He will be Greek. For a time. Then he will find “himself” as something else. Do you suppose he’s just reliving some of his past personas? A vacation from the present. I really need one of those myself. As a matter of fact, tomorrow I will declare myself Native American Woman and wear my loin cloth! Thanks ABB!

Jenny’s last blog post..Out of the Mouths of Babes

Jenny, part of his syndrome is that he says things for pure shock value, to get a reaction. In this case, he was merely exploring. He has a new line now, that he says to women: “You don’t look a day over 25″ when they obviously are.

Talina Says:

The photos of his various identities will be fun when he gets older..

Talina’s last blog post..Still trying to finish your holiday shopping?

zoe Says:

i wonder why he choose greek? i mean really? being black could really give him some swagger…

zoe’s last blog post..Merry Christmas to me!

Poppy Says:

It took me a loooong while to find out why you call your son ABB. My cousin was standing over my shoulder, reading your blog and then she burst out laughing. I asked her why was she laughing so hard and she made me read Asperger and ABB shortly after.

Now I feel slow, because it took a couple of tries for it to sink in. Hah… I hope he realizes he’s okay the way he is. Though, I’m not one to talk.


Poppy’s last blog post..The Last Finals… And Gifts

Poppy, what struck me so funny about the name Ass Burger is that I was confused at the diagnosis and could not believe they would tell me my son had Ass Burger Syndrome. Then, I did some research. That’s why his blog name is Ass Burger Boy, it sounds like the pronounciation of a very different spelling.

Angella Says:

This is a great insight into you :)


Angella’s last blog post..I Have Questions

Angella, it was such a convoluted explanation, and I was so embarrassed. I was at a loss for words at that point. You are the only one who picked up the insight, though.

kim Says:

mmmm.. I might have to send you some info on Tasmania and then he can be a Tasmanian devil…with his dedication he might help to save them from extinction..

cheers kim..

kim’s last blog post..Wedge tailed eagle

I have a niece we called Taz because of her energy. But ABB only thinks he is other people. Now, maybe if he thought he was Steve Irwin, he would campaign for them.

Seeds For Wealth Says:

I really like your writing. I think you’re a great writer. Wish your talent was on my blog. :(

Seeds For Wealth’s last blog post..4th Most Popular Blog On BlogCatalog: Seeds For Wealth

Although I’m flattered (thank you!) really, I don’t consider myself a writer, just a story teller. I wonder if anyone will read when I run out of stories, and have to actually write.

Teh Random | Psychicgeek Says:

[...] seldom overeat. I just don’t want to hurt myself. ABB cannot stand to waste food, the freak. He cleans up what I can’t finish. An all you can eat [...]