January 11th, 2008

I was a tad surprised about all the controversy about Part I of this piece, because I was writing from my own experience. Really, what else can you write from, unless you’re scraping news stories about Britney Spears?

What people don’t usually want to know, unless they have special circumstances, is when they will die.

Often I will tell a woman that she will outlive her husband, so that she can make sure he has good insurance. Not enough so that she’s tempted to kill him her ownself, because really, all women can relate to that impulse by times. No, enough so that she won’t have financial worries hit her at the same time as grief does. It makes a wreck out of a woman.

Yesterday, I read a beautiful spirit. I saw her husband’s death very soon.

I didn’t see mourning, yet she had been a good wife. I saw her whole life drastically changing, and her dreams coming true very soon.

Her dreams were simple. She wanted to travel. She wanted to have sex after repressing it for over 20 years.

Her husband suffered brain damage over 20 years ago. She has been taking care of him for lo, these twenty some years. She has forgiven him his angry unreasonable outbursts, his irrational behaviour, because she remembered the man he was before. The wonderful man she married.

This man rages and is depressed because he feels trapped in his brain-damaged existence. I wept when I looked at his picture. I saw the pain he suffers.

This woman touched my heart so profoundly. I know I will never forget her.

His death will be a blessing for all concerned.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 11th, 2008 at 10:47 am and is filed under What's this?, clients. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

22 Responses to “What they don’t want to know, part two”

RaeJane Says:

Wow.
I am nearly in tears just reading this.
As soon as I read this part
“Yesterday, I read a beautiful spirit. I saw her husband’s death very soon.”
I felt my heart skip a beat.

I don’t really have any words.

RaeJane’s last blog post..Dance fever

Dawn Says:

I’ve always told my husband that if he can’t keep his pants on then he’d better not come home crying to me to ease his guilt and ruin my day. :)

Dawn’s last blog post..Hi-poo Friday

Jenny Says:

Early on in my marriage my hair dresser and I had this discussion & and she swore if her husband cheated on her she would NOT want to know. I thought that was insane. I didn’t have kids, I didn’t have a life built on an ideal. I could leave at the drop of a hat. Now, almost 9 years in and 2 kids, I don’t know if I’d want to know. In my head he’s perfectly trustworthy. He’s a good father and husband. I always make sure his life insurance is paid EARLY. At this point, I hope I’m the first to go. The alternative is so unthinkable.

p.s. every comment I post I click the “notify me of follow up comments via email” and lately it hasn’t been working. am I doing something wrong?

Jenny’s last blog post..High Tea

iamthediva Says:

this was a great post.

josey Says:

witchyp, i still cannot fathom how you can even be a SLIGHTLY sane individual being able to tap into these kinds of knowings-about. (i know you’ve never claimed to be sane, but STILL…lol…) i suppose God only bestows these gifts unto those he knows can handle it.

i’m really speechless.

risingrainbow Says:

Living with someone trapped in a brain damaged body, I under stand that rage. Fortunately for me, she works to control that anger, she’s been told she can’t, and she does.

risingrainbow’s last blog post..A Baby Boomer Dreams of Arabian Horses – Rhythm’s Story – Part 6

Just Beachy Says:

You don’t often hear about the ones who stay together through sickness and health. This was refreshing to read.

Just Beachy’s last blog post..I Could So Live The Poshy Life

witchypoo Says:

RaeJane: Thank you. I really hope that people felt this.
Dawn: You are referring to part one, and I am nodding. Most women do not want to know.
Jenny: Thank you for the heads up about the comment notify feature. It’s fixed now. You should probably understand that most women outlive their husbands. You’re fortunate that you aren’t one of the many women who hope for it.
Diva: Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Josey: You feel your own emotions, and they move through, much like the weather. Nothing stays with you forever unless you refuse to let it go. Other people’s emotions are easier to release. We did a lot of energy work during this session, and it released a lot for us both.
risingrainbow: Welcome to the comments section.
I salute you for a mostly thankless job, frustrating and sad at the same time. I understand that there are varying degrees of brain damage, but personality changes (for the worse, unfortunately) are pretty much a given. Give your spouse some wicked good props for trying hard to control her anger.
Just Beachy: It is refreshing, but I had so much compassion for a woman who has done everything she was supposed to, and in the process, repressed all of her hopes and dreams. They were such simple dreams.

Marie Says:

re. Part 1- I wouldn’t want to know because I honestly wouldn’t care, but people would expect me to. I know, I’m weird.

Part 2- Definitely don’t want to know. I would like to know generalities, like will I die youngish or oldish, but not exactly when or how. I panic enough as it is. I’m more interested in learning about the afterlife.

Maybe this is another blog for you, but I read somewhere recently that dead people are sort of expanded, and have to compress themselves to visit us. That made sense to me, but it made me wonder what dead people DO. Do they have relationships with each other? Are they obsessed with the living or are we a burden to them? Do they just float around, or do they do stuff?

Marie’s last blog post..I’m having an affair.

witchypoo Says:

Marie: I never asked any dead people what they do, but one woman showed me how she looked after children who had died suddenly. She wanted to tell my client that, because the client had a child that was killed.
They don’t all talk to me, and some of them are downright saucy. One indictated that I sucked at this kind of communication.
As for part one, I never tell if the husband is cheating unless she absolutely demands to know.
Part two- I usually tell people if they will have a long long life, so that they can plan their financial options and nursing homes accordingly.

Ree Says:

I don’t want to know when I’m going to die, or when Mr. Hot is going to die, or my mother or father or anyone. No way. No how.

As for part 1. I don’t think I’d want to know that either.

Ree’s last blog post..I Think I Should Move The Flasher

Talina Says:

I am with josey, I would go crazy if I knew/ could see all that you do… CRAZY!

I enjoyed reading your entry!!!

Talina’s last blog post..The birds got free and other crazy pet stories…

old Knudsen Says:

Being slightly different than most I care not when my time will come, I just hope I get to do my last post and not too many readers are upset by my lack of posting.

I value loyalty and respect the commitment of caregivers even though some don’t have much choice as there are no other options and I’m sure given if they were able to decide many sick people would rather end their lives than ruin the live of someone they love. Its all very sad but some things in life just happen and people rationalise it as something to learn from in reality it just that shit happens, after 10 years of care giving the lesson looks more like torture. I hated school anyway and learned more from my belly button.

old Knudsen’s last blog post..Boy Scout Prepared For Attack

witchypoo Says:

Ree: I don’t usually tell people, unless there is good reason for it. Like, put extra in the retirement fund. And that was my point, parts one and two, people just don’t want to know. I totally get that.
Talina: I never claimed I wasn’t crazy hehe. But really, I have learned to view this stuff with a modicum of detachment. I saw so much childhood abuse in clients early on that I had to find a way to let it go.
Knudsey: One thing I’m sure of is that ain’t none of us getting out of this alive. In my case, I hope that ABB is able to deal on his own before I croak. He’s very resistant to any kind of independance, yet he cannot abide being told what to do. It takes every ounce of my creativity to motivate him, I swear.
I liked school, I got to shine there. At home, I tried to be invisible.

Veronica Says:

I hope she ends up very happy.

Veronica’s last blog post..The JOYS Of Wearing A Dress In Public.

witchypoo Says:

Veronica: I do too. It looks like she will.

cookiebitch Says:

You have many gifts, I think. Beautifully written piece that made me sad and happy all at once.

witchypoo Says:

cookie: Thank you. I was really hoping that readers would feel what I was.

nan Says:

I would know. And I would pack him back to his mother, so she could abuse him for me. Then I would take him back, because he is a wild and crazy guy, and he makes me wild and crazy.

Luckily he knows that I would know, so it keeps him on the straight and narrow. Though I really don’t think he has even been tempted to stray, despite offers!

nan’s last blog post..de-lurking weekend!

witchypoo Says:

Nan: I have a brother whose wife knows, she even sees addresses, so she can stop the “crime” afore it starts.
He is very afeared.

mommyknows Says:

Great post!

mommyknows’s last blog post..Today, this is Hard …

zoe Says:

when i read that i had to go back and look at the date to make sure you weren’t talking about my hubby!!!!

zoe’s last blog post..Unfit for human habitation