September 1st, 2008 | 15 Comments »

This alert is for you, Loralee. Don’t read it. Cover your eyes. It’s all about poop.

Ass Burger Boy: “Shit mittens!:

witchypoo: “Shit mittens?”

ABB: “That’s when you’re so deep in shit that your hands are covered in it.”

witchypoo: Oh.

Now I can’t stop saying it to myself. Shit mittens. It has a ring to it.

Then I got to thinking of all the excrement-themed sayings my mother had.

“Down will come your shithouse.”

I had a vision of an outhouse toppling, until I realized that her doom-infused voice meant my drawers would come down. (for a spanking)

witchypoo: “What’s for dinner, Mom>”

Mom: “Shit and with it.”

Note: I never figured this one out. But she said it often.

And then, then? I remembered all her sayings that accompanied farts.

“Speak again, oh, toothless one.”

“Clear your throat before you speak.”

“Another country heard from.”

“Better an empty house than a bad tenant.”

Mom was a colourful character. She never considered that some of the things she had to say might be inappropriate for her children.

She was a free spirit.

Gosh. I really miss her.

Pull my finger, please.

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Posted in poop is funny