This is brought to you by way of Laura at I am the Diva She said I could do it instead of the itunes meme. I have another I must do. Memes are for weekends. This is the weekend. Memes or photos, you decide.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Paper, and it has to be around a box. I used to wrap in tinfoil with the ribbon making up the pretty, then I went to blank newsprint, with lots of drawings, homemade stamps, and crayola stampers and crazy looking markers.

2. Real or artificial tree?

Artificial. Since I get no freaking help with the tree whatsoever.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually Dec 15. this year I wanted a picture for my blog, so it went up last weekend. Alas, the pictures, not so good.

4. When do you take the tree down?

The last day of Christmas. Jan 6. Sadly, my true love does not give me 12 gifts. Or any.

5. Do you like Eggnog? It’s bearable with nutmeg and lots of spiced rum.
6. Favorite Gift you received as a child?

A toy chest my father made me, and doll clothes my mother made me. I was so amazed that my doll had a dress just like the one my sister used to have.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

It’s one that an artist friend made, and I added to.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

One of my dearest childhood friends. He insists on a prezzie being consumable, or meaningful. The guy has everything he wants.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Me! Because I know exactly what I want. And the right size and colour. Hint: Money is always the right size and colour.

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received?

A pair of hunting boots my father wrapped and addressed to me when I was 16, and All. I. Asked. For. was a pair of knee high leather boots that were all the rage that year.

11. Christmas Cards…Snail mail or E-mail?

Lately, I have been doing up PowerPoint cards. Saves that pesky postage thing.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Call me crazy, but I always liked a Charlie Brown Christmas. The tree always got me.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

When I have money I shop. Really, though, I prefer to give gifts out of the blue, just because.

14. Have you ever ‘recycled’ a Christmas present?

I always have some stuff that was given to me that I knew I would never use/display. I keep them handy for last minute people I forgot to buy for, or who any kind of thought would brighten their day. Don’t hate me, I can’t bear to just throw these things away.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

My English Toffee, since Grammie won’t be making her famous mincemeat pie with real venison anymore.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

I had to buy new lights recently, so I went clear. Much easier to replace. Come to think of it, they are soulless looking git.

17. Favorite Christmas Song?

I know it’s dumb, but I can’t get Brenda Lee’s “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree” out of my head at Christmas time.
18. Travel at Christmas or Stay Home?

Stay home. Family is complicated.
19. Can you name Santa’s Reindeer?

Yup. However, there isn’t really much demand for that skill.
20. Do you have an Angel or a Star on top of your tree?

Angel, all the way. And I like the story of how the angel got on top of the tree.

21. Open the Presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

Presents Christmas Eve, stockings in the morning. Now that Ass Burger Boy is older. Much older.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Tv really sucks now. I don’t shop much.

23. Shopping…Mall or on-line?

I like the artists at the Farmer’s Market. I love artists. And everything else is online now. I hate shopping. Even for groceries. I mean, you buy all this food, then you have to buy toilet paper to deal with the results. Does it never end?
24. Do you decorate outside for Christmas or just inside (or at all?)

Nothing outside, deck the friggin halls inside. The mantle has garlands, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care.

25. Favorite Christmas cookie?

Boring. Shortbread. I love to make them. They look so tiny and tidy. I also make killer gourmet quality chocolate chip cookies and most excellent English Toffee.

26. Do you own Christmassy clothing or jewelry?

No. Never have, never will. I’m dorky enough.
27. Do you believe in Santa?

Of course I do. I *am* Santa.

28. Favorite ornament:

A macaroni angel. Made by Ass Burger Boy. I love homemade shytte.

Shameless self-promotion: Show me some freaking love. Go on, vote. You know you wanna. You have to register first, but you will make me very happy. Check your junk mail folder for the registration confirmation. Oh, and if it says voting is closed? It is for 2007, but this award is for 2008.

You remember Skinny Bitch don’t you? A total delight she is.

SB is the most practical person I can remember meeting. She loves money, and she adores saving it. In fact, I remember her catch phrase at one time was “Squirrel it away, witchypoo, squirrel it away.”

She took her own advice, bought a great house and invested the rest. This is not a frivolous woman.

I stroll into her bed and breakfast back yard to find her hard working husband doing some hard yard work. Then I notice this troll-like creature that is snurffling around the yard. (I know that is a made up word, but snuffling doesn’t quite do it justice)

This creature, this almighty wicked hideous creature, has short legs, noisy asthma, and one blind googly eye. To call it a troll is to dis the entire troll kingdom of trolliness.

So I ask Mr. SB “What in the name of very bad words everything gone wrong is THAT???” Yes, several question marks because I was that incredulous. Mr. SB, a very manly man I might point out, replied in a reverent tone: “That’s SB’s dog, Henry. She loves him.” (SB has him so whipped. She has that effect on all men.)

He watches with his customary reserve as I completely lose it. Just howling with laughter in a puddle of helpless laughy goo. I’m SB’s friend, we’re both nuts. No big. He’s used to it.

When SB gets home, I very casually ask her about the stab-myself-in-the-eye fugly dog thing. She’s all effusive, Henry this, Henry that.

SB: “I call him Handsome Henry!” For once, I am speechless.

She shows me his “trick”. It’s where he stands back, to judge if it’s safe to come near her, because sometimes, SB doesn’t want to be touched. She’s neurotic. Even the stupid troll thingie gets it.

Me: “SB, that isn’t a trick. It’s a behaviour. Everyone who knows and loves you has learned it.”

She still insists it’s his trick, then demonstrates how cute he is when his little tongue sticks out while his head is cocked. It looks much cuter when she is doing it.

Me: “SB, did you pay money for Handsome Henry?”

SB (reluctantly) “Ye-es.” I drag the details out of her, because, really,there is no way I can leave this alone, knowing her financial habits as I do. She paid about a grand for a dog that was unregistered, blind in one eye, has death rattle asthma, is incredibly stupid, and by the way? He needs special food. Special expensive food. And huge vet bills.

Me: (rolling eyes) “SB, I’ve known you for about twelve years now. I feel I know you well. I have special powers and all. For the life of me, I just don’t understand why you parted with so much money for Handsome <shudder> Henry.

SB: (in a very small voice) “I was afraid that nobody else would love him.”

See? How can you not love a woman like Skinny Bitch?

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