The number one search term to date is “meat juice” . I’m not sure I want to know just what was in people’s minds when they searched for it, but I published a post that may have coined the term, and it did create a bit of buzz.

blogging mediocrity – Let’s not be cruel, people.

place your face on a movie star – Somehow, I don’t think the movie star would appreciate it.

Is meat juice blood? – Why, yes, yes it is.

“torture Bra” – This might be number two in the list of search terms. I think whoever did the searching might have been looking for a specific creepy device, but really, all bras are by nature, instruments of torture.

pictures that make your eyes bleed – Use your own imagination here.

fart breathing device – I’m not sure if this is intended to find a way to breathe when farts are around, or a device that lets you breathe actual farts. Wouldn’t that be a big seller?

what can i eat to make me fart? – I don’t know why you would want to know this, unless you are planning to produce fodder for the fart breathing device, but may I suggest beans?

are men only supposed to fart – I think this was prompted by Old Knudsen’s comment. They wanted to verify his information.

girls dont fart – I think we have settled that one.

see girls farting – Someone believes not only that girls do fart, but that there may be photographic evidence. The only visible farts are the ones you light. Are we sensing a trend here?

toilets “air assist” – Maybe if you need help farting? I’m good thanks. Nothing to see here folks, just move along.

badarse – This could happen after fart lighting gone terribly, terrribly wrong.

can you throw-up your poop? – If you eat it, I would think it would be mandatory.

wicked image – Of course, that is the kind of image you would expect from a Tool of Satan. In these parts, however, wicked can mean “very” as in, “This lobster is wicked good”. Lobster is another food that makes you fart.

how to make a girl horny with touch – I’m not sure how this got to me. I can only imagine the sad little man who so desperately wants to get laid.

how to get a boy horny give me advice – You’ll have to submit this question to “Ask witchypoo”.

whales as healers – Yes, but their office might be a bit quirky. And I would love to see their lab coats and stethoscopes.

what to do if your eye bleeds? – I would suggest getting yourself to the nearest whale healer as quickly as possible. They have big eyes, and would be sympathetic.

you know you’re old when – Sadly, I get a lot of these.

going on strike from your husband – I did that a long, long time ago. Although they call it divorce. It can be refreshingly freeing if you keep on walking sometimes.

rum for babies to go to sleep – This practice is frowned upon nowadays. I don’t know why, unless it’s the rampant use of Benedryl.

world of warcraft isnt a game – Yes, yes, it is. You, on the other hand, consider it a job because YOU HAVE NO LIFE.

Blogging mediocrity right here, folks! Get it while it’s hot.

Those of you who do have a life, may want to pop over to my amazing crystal shop and art gallery which is just full of my preciousssss.

My sister has a friend that I always remember two ways: her excellent stories, and by a lasting visual image of her.

It is around this time of year, long before most of you were born. I’m at my sister’s apartment, and down the hall we hear quite a commotion. We rush to her friend’s door, and holler “Are you okay?” We are answered with a laughing “Ye-e-ess”, and then a giggled “Come in. I might need help.”

Inside, in all of her glory, is my sister’s friend. Flat on her back, unable to move. Why? The christmas tree has fallen on her. And she is shaking with laughter.

It’s so burned into my memory it could be a cartoon.

This is the same woman who objected to the roast her mother was thawing because she saw the blood. Her mother indignantly said: “That’s not blood. That’s MEAT JUICE.”If that weren’t enough, meat juice girl grew up to work in a supermarket. You guessed it. The meat department. There was a big spill of blood, and it made the floor slippery and hazardous. Another employee warned her to avoid the pool of blood.

What did she say?

Why yes, she said “That’s not blood. It’s meat juice!”

She was 20 years old at the time, and still blushes when she recounts the incident in the meat department.

I hope you are like me and remember a laughing friend every time you thaw a roast.

Shameless self-promotion: Show me some freaking love. Go on, vote. You know you wanna. You have to register first, but you will make me very happy. Check your junk mail folder for the registration confirmation. Oh, and if it says voting is closed? It is for 2007, but this award is for 2008.