March 28th, 2008 | 16 Comments »

Skinny Bitch has two children, Heartstopper, and George. They call him George after George Costanza on Seinfeld. He plans to stay in his room forever and never move out.

When they were little, Skinny Bitch caught them smoking. Being the perverse parent she is, she made an announcement.

“Go to your rooms and pack your bags. I’m calling the police to take you to the Home for Children Who Smoke.”

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Heartstopper emerged from her room with a pronouncement.

“I quit!”

Neither has smoked since, although Skinny Bitch took up smoking at the age of 32, when she was imprisoned in a halo for five months with nothing else to do.