October 8th, 2008 | 26 Comments »

I have a lot of young women come to me with romantic situations that they want some advice on.

While they may be prone to obsessing and chewing their hearts into bloody little bits over a certain unresponsive someone, I try to give them some perspective.

So I switch from the heart to the feet. Feet are important. Ask a waiter if you don’t believe me. A waiter with aching feet is a cranky waiter.

I tell them that dating is like trying on shoes. Those stilettos that are drop dead gorgeous? A world of pain awaits you when you walk a mile in those puppies.

Flip flops? Comfortable, but don’t keep you warm in winter.

What you need, young women, is a pair of shoes that are quality, that fit beautifully. Classic styling, in for the long haul. Never goes out of style. In other words, you want a pair of shoes that you are willing to wear for the rest of your life.

Dating is like the shoe shopping process. Don’t be afraid to try them on. And if you get a poor fit? There are plenty more where that came from. One of them is bound to be a good fit for life. Just don’t settle on the first shiny pair you find.

January 17th, 2008 | 17 Comments »

One of the many things that Ass Burger Boy is sensitive to is touch. He cannot handle people touching him unexpectedly. To this day, he will ask for a hug, and I won’t give him one unless he knows it is coming. It’s just the way he is. We hug lots, it just needs a verbal introduction.

When he was a wee infant, I had the most crazy-making task of bathing him. With! Water! Oh, the pain! Big bath, little bath, sponge bath, it all set him off terribly. It wasn’t until he was able to sit up without assistance before I could really introduce him to a proper bath.

I started by sitting him in a plastic wee tub, filled with toys. He was happy about this. Next, I put the plastic toy-filled tub inside the regular sized tub. While he was happily playing with the toys, I put a small amount of warm water from a pitcher in the wee tub. Gradually, I increased the amount, and finally, when I felt he was comfortable, he graduated to the big tub.

This story was to illustrate just how gradually he needs to be introduced to external stimuli.

Last night, he comes home with a girl he had been talking to online for quite a while. No warning, brings her in through the kitchen with all the food prep mess(soaking pots, etc) and drags her over to be introduced.

I ask if he’s hungry and begin to prepare supper. I come out to ask if she is one of those people who won’t eat in front of others to determine just how much I should make. Note: I wouldn’t eat from a kitchen that looked like that if it weren’t my own.

They are on the living room sofa, and she is draped all over him, all snuggly and romantic. Shortly, thereafter, she announces that she has to study, and, oh, my! she will get lost going back to the dorm without him to accompany her. I’m thinking “Study, my foot”, but say nothing. It’s obvious to me the girl is horny and wants some alone time with ABB.

He goes out with her, WITHOUT EATING HIS SUPPER. This boy treasures his grub. And I’m not overly thrilled to make a meal that will go uneaten.

He had no.clue. that she wanted some “alone time” with him. I had to tell him. He wonders why she didn’t just say so. Hah. She’s a 19 year old girl, that’s why.

Today, he tells me that he explained to her how he doesn’t like to be touched unexpectedly, and that they didn’t “do” anything.

I respond by commenting about protection, because it only takes once.

He says he will use a gun for protection. Funny.

I say even if it’s shooting blanks, you’re only half protected. I can be funny too.

Now, he’s wondering just how hard it will be to have a girlfriend if she expects all this touching stuff. He wants me to do the psychic thing and tell him if it will work out. I tell him that dating is practice for learning about one another, and it isn’t always easy, but it will give him skills to interact with someone he will love, much needed skills.

Now he has a lot to work out. This girl moves too fast for him, yet he longs for a girlfriend.

If only a girlfriend didn’t involve the touching thing…

Posted in Ass Burger Boy