February 13th, 2008 | 15 Comments »

I started to tell this story, then I looked for a suitable image, and while I was at it, might as well create a watermark, so the result is that nothing got done besides a lot of image re-arranging. You may get one poor quality, unwatermarked image, because who really wants to steal a small, poor quality image? On to the story.

Long ago, but not so far away, my brother, Mr. Trick, and I were allied as partners in crimes against the parents. These crimes involved a great deal of intrigue, planning, and stealth. Stealth was key because we wanted, in this case to steal the cookies out of the pantry.

We had to stay awake a long time until the giants (parents) went to bed, and we gave them time to fall asleep. This gave our anticipation of the stolen goods more salivation factor, and allowed us to refine the plan.

Hand signals were not terribly effective in the dark, so we had to revise the plan during the execution of the manoevre. Who says criminals are dumb?

It took an agonizing amount of time to descend the old, creaky staircase, and tiptoe down the hall to the pantry. We were shivering with excitement as we ear-whispered directions to one another.

Once we reached our objective, we loaded up our arms, and BOOM! thundered up the stairs (times two) in our haste to devour the prize. I guess we figured that possession was nine-tenths of the law, but we had forgotten how annoyed those pesky parents became when aroused from their sleep.

The punishment was not just for cookie theft, it was an angry punishment administered in the wrath of being awakened. It wasn’t pretty. We decided our career in crime was not our optimum life path. And it was difficult to sit down for a while too.

Seated on horse: little brother, witchypoo, partner in crime brother. This was taken when we were able to sit without pain.

December 15th, 2007 | 7 Comments »

This is brought to you by way of Laura at I am the Diva She said I could do it instead of the itunes meme. I have another I must do. Memes are for weekends. This is the weekend. Memes or photos, you decide.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Paper, and it has to be around a box. I used to wrap in tinfoil with the ribbon making up the pretty, then I went to blank newsprint, with lots of drawings, homemade stamps, and crayola stampers and crazy looking markers.

2. Real or artificial tree?

Artificial. Since I get no freaking help with the tree whatsoever.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually Dec 15. this year I wanted a picture for my blog, so it went up last weekend. Alas, the pictures, not so good.

4. When do you take the tree down?

The last day of Christmas. Jan 6. Sadly, my true love does not give me 12 gifts. Or any.

5. Do you like Eggnog? It’s bearable with nutmeg and lots of spiced rum.
6. Favorite Gift you received as a child?

A toy chest my father made me, and doll clothes my mother made me. I was so amazed that my doll had a dress just like the one my sister used to have.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

It’s one that an artist friend made, and I added to.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

One of my dearest childhood friends. He insists on a prezzie being consumable, or meaningful. The guy has everything he wants.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Me! Because I know exactly what I want. And the right size and colour. Hint: Money is always the right size and colour.

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received?

A pair of hunting boots my father wrapped and addressed to me when I was 16, and All. I. Asked. For. was a pair of knee high leather boots that were all the rage that year.

11. Christmas Cards…Snail mail or E-mail?

Lately, I have been doing up PowerPoint cards. Saves that pesky postage thing.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Call me crazy, but I always liked a Charlie Brown Christmas. The tree always got me.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

When I have money I shop. Really, though, I prefer to give gifts out of the blue, just because.

14. Have you ever ‘recycled’ a Christmas present?

I always have some stuff that was given to me that I knew I would never use/display. I keep them handy for last minute people I forgot to buy for, or who any kind of thought would brighten their day. Don’t hate me, I can’t bear to just throw these things away.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

My English Toffee, since Grammie won’t be making her famous mincemeat pie with real venison anymore.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

I had to buy new lights recently, so I went clear. Much easier to replace. Come to think of it, they are soulless looking git.

17. Favorite Christmas Song?

I know it’s dumb, but I can’t get Brenda Lee’s “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree” out of my head at Christmas time.
18. Travel at Christmas or Stay Home?

Stay home. Family is complicated.
19. Can you name Santa’s Reindeer?

Yup. However, there isn’t really much demand for that skill.
20. Do you have an Angel or a Star on top of your tree?

Angel, all the way. And I like the story of how the angel got on top of the tree.

21. Open the Presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

Presents Christmas Eve, stockings in the morning. Now that Ass Burger Boy is older. Much older.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Tv really sucks now. I don’t shop much.

23. Shopping…Mall or on-line?

I like the artists at the Farmer’s Market. I love artists. And everything else is online now. I hate shopping. Even for groceries. I mean, you buy all this food, then you have to buy toilet paper to deal with the results. Does it never end?
24. Do you decorate outside for Christmas or just inside (or at all?)

Nothing outside, deck the friggin halls inside. The mantle has garlands, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care.

25. Favorite Christmas cookie?

Boring. Shortbread. I love to make them. They look so tiny and tidy. I also make killer gourmet quality chocolate chip cookies and most excellent English Toffee.

26. Do you own Christmassy clothing or jewelry?

No. Never have, never will. I’m dorky enough.
27. Do you believe in Santa?

Of course I do. I *am* Santa.

28. Favorite ornament:

A macaroni angel. Made by Ass Burger Boy. I love homemade shytte.

Posted in Grammie, bloggy things
November 24th, 2007 | 6 Comments »

From Ree the Hotfessional. It’s the perfect thing for the long holiday weekend before your slacker readers can catch up with you on the company dime.

(X) Been to Canada – Oh, my yes. I live here

( ) Been to Mexico – Nope. But I’ve heard that Montezuma’s Revenge is something I should experience at least once. Can’t wait.

( ) Been to Florida – No, I hear they have alligators there, and hurricanes. And really old Canucks.

(X) Been on a plane – Many times, but only once since Sept 11, 2001. I find the security measures pure aggravation.

(X) Been lost – Not technically, but when I was little, I walked beside a woman who was wearing the same coat as my mother, so my mom was lost

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country – I’ved lived on the Pacific and the Atlantic coast of Canada. Something about that ocean air just makes me happy.

(X) Swam in the ocean – Pacific, Atlantic, and the Caribbean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep – Everyone who has ever been thirteen has done this.

(X) Played cops and robbers – Hello? I had brothers, duh.

(X) Played with a Tonka Truck – See above.

(X) Recently colored with crayons – Define recently

( ) Sang karaoke – No, and this is so because of my deep abiding love for humanity.

( ) Paid for a meal with only coins – No, but I love to put my unrolled coinage in the fare box on the bus.

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? – Yes, but I always forgive myself. I’m understanding that way.

(X) Made prank phone calls – Again, I had brothers. Shut up, they made me do it, okay?

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue – Yes, but for the life of me, I couldn’t get it to stay on that pesky slippery tongue.

(X) Danced in the rain – Yep. And swam in the rain, and also showered in the rain. Scoff if you will, it was way fun.

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus – Yes, but he didn’t take my brothers like I asked him to.

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe – Yes, but nobody took me up on it when I hung the mistletoe from my backside.

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about – Yes, after all night fascinating can’t stop talking to this wondrous creature.

(X) Blown bubbles – Absolutely. Also blown bubbles in my milk. Fun, isn’t it?

(X) Made a bonfire on the beach – It was a rite of passage for coast dwellers.

(X) Crashed a party – Yes, but they were glad to see me. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

( ) Crashed a wedding

( ) Crashed a funeral – No, but I’m always up for a good time.
(X) Gone ice-skating – Yes. My skates were always too tight though. I have Sasquatch feet.

1. Any nicknames? Some people who are too idle to type the entire thing call me Poo, even though I protest the use of scatological nicknames.

3. Favorite drink? Coffee (black) Hot and lots of it.

4. Any tattoos? No, but I used to draw on myself.

5 Body piercing? Ears only. 1 hole each. A friend did the piercing with a darning needle and an ice cube when I was 16. What did I know?

6. How much do you love your job? It’s rather ideal, especially if you have children. People pay you money and then they hang on Your.Every.Word. Then they go home and listen to the tape. Much more ego-stroking than “What.Ever.”, accompanied by a dramatic eye-roll from Ass Burger Boy.

7. Favorite vacation spot? My birthplace, where my Grammie and best friends from high school still live.

8. Ever been to Africa? No. Never left the continent, unless you count Puerto Rico.

9. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Cookies are a good healthy dinner that you don’t need to coax the kiddies to eat.

10. Ever been on TV? Quite a few times. The media loves to interview psychics. I was also in a documentary about psychics.

11. Ever steal any traffic signs? No. I have better decorating taste than that.

12. Ever been in a car accident? Many, but none of them killed me yet.

13. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 2 Door. The bus.

14. Favorite pie? Sweet potato pie, and the very best I have ever eaten is my Grammie’s mincemeat pie. She uses venison in hers.

15. Favorite Number? 8. It’s supposed to be lucky. I made sure my phone number added up to 8. I’m wacky that way.

16. Favorite movie? Gee whiz, I didn’t know this was going to be hard. I’m a sucker for great cinematography, so I would have to say Cold Mountain.

17. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving

18. Favorite dessert? It involves chocolate marble coffee cake, sprinkled with Grand Marnier and wildberry jam, layered with chocolate ice cream and more jam, topped with more Grand Marnier. Wicked. And wicked good. Note that I capitalized the holy Grand Marnier. It’s an important ingredient. I made this dessert up myself. I know what I like. Unless it’s a movie. Then I get all indecisive and stressed.

19. Favorite food? Scallops. Oh, come to mama.

20. Favorite day of the week? Most any day I wake up is good with me.

21. Favorite brand of body wash? I only use home made soap. Love it.

22. Favorite toothpaste? I don’t care. It isn’t like I’m going to EAT it. I do, however, rinse with hydrogen peroxide. It kills germs and gives me that bubbly feeling I love so much.

23. Favorite smell? Vanilla beans. And baby head. The other end, not so much.

24. What do you do to relax? Read.

25. Do you have a message to your friends reading this? No. Nobody really likes me anyway.

26. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Alive?

27. Furthest place you will send this message? I think I will surprise myself on this.

28. Who will respond the fastest? Whoever is saving their good stuff for Monday when everybody is reading blogs at work.

I’m tagging:

Jess

Jean

Zoe

Angella

The Diva

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Posted in Grammie, the mundane