My dear friend, Skinny Bitch, loves money. She loves to instill values of money in her children. To do this she does not just grant them their every wish, oh, no, she does not.

She tells them that until they have a job, they are poor. Their parents money is not their money. Makes sense to me in a Bill Cosby sort of way.

She is also a tad perverse with her parenting. She likes to mess with their heads a bit. Says it will make them stronger, but I know her, she does it because it’s fun.

One time, when Heartstopper was about six, Skinny Bitch sat her and George down and said she had sad news for them. Shaking her head sadly, she announced:

“I don’t think we can afford summer this year.”

Heartstopper, who loves summer every bit as much as her mother does, was stunned, and a tiny bit heartbroken.

“Can we go to the beach once?”

Her mother sighed, and looked like she was thinking hard to find a way to go to the beach under the unbearable burden of being unable to afford summer.

“We’ll have to wait and see.”

Oh, that pesky summer, and it having to cost so much to enjoy the warmth as you play outside.

Perverse parenting. She’s the master.