March 12th, 2008

There is about five minutes to slap up a post, so those who are unhappy may line up at the checkout for a full refund.

For those who are unfamiliar with my friend Skinny Bitch you will want to read this story about her, and even follow a link that introduces her around the middle of November, back when I had 300 page views for the entire freaking month.

I love the woman. She’s a comedic genius. She spent five months in a halo device for head injuries. Do a Google image search if you want to know how miserable this device is.

The thing is, she’s a tad perverse around her children. Note that I did not say perverted. She isn’t. At least not around children. Even when she tells stories that scream “Bad mother! Mean mother!” I am wiping my eyes from laughing. She has great delivery. Maybe it’s because I’m a little bit perverse as well. But I’m accomodating. I just saved you the trouble of looking up the word.

Besides being somewhat OCD, which I adore about her, she is also frugal to the point of being cheap. A few years ago, her even-more-gorgeous-than-her-if that-is-possible daughter, Heartstopper, asked her if she would buy some bandaids.

Skinny Bitch: “I bought you the nice Barbie bandaids and you used them all up in one day.”

Heartstopper: “Mom, I was SIX. Ten years ago. I learned my lesson. Plain bandaids are fine.”

Skinny Bitch thinks for a while, because, you know, she’s like that, and she recalls that she wants to show Heartstopper that she now has an A level life since she dumped the dirtbag she was seeing. (Dirtbag was every mother’s nightmare)

What does Skinny Bitch do? She goes out and buys several packages of Barbie bandaids to demonstrate that she isn’t cheap at all, no way, even if she did find them at the dollar store.

Heartstopper: “Moooom! Plain bandaids. Plain. I am so over that Barbie shytte.”

Skinny Bitch (at me, rolling eyes): “See? There’s no pleasing them.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm and is filed under Skinny Bitch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

19 Responses to “Skinny Bitch: Perverse Parenting”

The Over-Thinker Says:

Thanks for introducing me to Skinny Bitch–awesome!

Nothing a little Barbie Band-Aid can’t fix.

The Over-Thinker’s last blog post..A Brief Break in Humiliation-Style Posts So I Can Whine

teeni Says:

Wow! This was a great post! I wonder what we would have gotten if you had had ten minutes instead of only five? I couldn’t do this if I had 24 hours! ;)

teeni’s last blog post..Game of Cereal

Old Knudsen Says:

Bloody 16 year-old gurls why isn’t she off getting pregnant ? my ma never bought me barbie (plasters) she told me to slap some spider webs onto my boo boos. Yes I have tried to have her burned as a witch several times, no offense you blogger of Satan, speaking of witch, those Fenians are getting the treatment on my news blog tomorrow, this may be the one that closes me doon, fingers crossed.

Old Knudsen’s last blog post..Women Get More Kebab Than They Had Expected

josey Says:

HAHHAHA you kill me. SB is a quite talented parent, that’s for sure. ;) but i think more than anything, YOUR delivery gives me the giggles…hehehe…

josey’s last blog post..the fUnKy fevah

witchypoo Says:

Overthinker: I put the wrong link in this post. I corrected it, as the correct link has a link to the Skinny Bitch introduction.
Teeni: I started out writing one story about Skinny Bitch, but it evolved into the bandaid story. SB is a treasure trove of stories. When I go on the psychic fair circuit, the others can’t wait to hear the latest story about her.
Knudsey: I’m looking forward to your post, as do most of us blogging Tools of Satan.
Josey: If you could only hear HER delivery, it would be total helpless laughter.

assburgerboy Says:

My favorite SB quote (since I have met her) is “Squirrel it away, [insert name here]!Squirrel it away!” Referring to money.

Val Says:

I said it before and I’ll say it again…I love Skinny Bitch.

Val’s last blog post..A kiss on the cheek…..

Kristabella Says:

Is it wrong that I’m 30 and like to get the Spongebob Squarepants bandaids?

Kristabella’s last blog post..It’s Probably The Eating For Two Thing

warriorwoman Says:

I have Scooby-Doo bandaids (and I bought them last year)

warriorwoman’s last blog post..ghost at Nic’s

zoe Says:

i have never been able to understand why amonte won’t use the little ones ninja turtle or hello kitty band aids. i mean it’s just a band aid right???

zoe’s last blog post..Duh….

Ree Says:

I love Skinny Bitch stories. But her delivery can’t be near as awesome as your’s babe.

Ree’s last blog post..Stray Stuff

Kelly Says:

I sure wish someone would buy me some cute bandaids, but I would prefer Hello Kitty to the Barbie ones. I think SB is onto something.

Kelly’s last blog post..It’s skirt poppin time!

Marie in Maine Says:

I would wear Tinkerbell band-aids.

Marie in Maine’s last blog post..What is it?

lceel Says:

Yet another reason I have you in my reader.

lceel’s last blog post..100 Word Challenge #6

Jenny Says:

Taking notes: How to be a witty parent.

Jenny’s last blog post..Pet Peeve Thursday–The 2nd

Mylifeasmomma Says:

I found you through Zoe and you are cracking me up. I will be sure to check out Skinny bitch.

Mylifeasmomma’s last blog post..My humps, my humps my lovely lady lumps.

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