There is about five minutes to slap up a post, so those who are unhappy may line up at the checkout for a full refund.
For those who are unfamiliar with my friend Skinny Bitch you will want to read this story about her, and even follow a link that introduces her around the middle of November, back when I had 300 page views for the entire freaking month.
I love the woman. She’s a comedic genius. She spent five months in a halo device for head injuries. Do a Google image search if you want to know how miserable this device is.
The thing is, she’s a tad perverse around her children. Note that I did not say perverted. She isn’t. At least not around children. Even when she tells stories that scream “Bad mother! Mean mother!” I am wiping my eyes from laughing. She has great delivery. Maybe it’s because I’m a little bit perverse as well. But I’m accomodating. I just saved you the trouble of looking up the word.
Besides being somewhat OCD, which I adore about her, she is also frugal to the point of being cheap. A few years ago, her even-more-gorgeous-than-her-if that-is-possible daughter, Heartstopper, asked her if she would buy some bandaids.
Skinny Bitch: “I bought you the nice Barbie bandaids and you used them all up in one day.”
Heartstopper: “Mom, I was SIX. Ten years ago. I learned my lesson. Plain bandaids are fine.”
Skinny Bitch thinks for a while, because, you know, she’s like that, and she recalls that she wants to show Heartstopper that she now has an A level life since she dumped the dirtbag she was seeing. (Dirtbag was every mother’s nightmare)
What does Skinny Bitch do? She goes out and buys several packages of Barbie bandaids to demonstrate that she isn’t cheap at all, no way, even if she did find them at the dollar store.
Heartstopper: “Moooom! Plain bandaids. Plain. I am so over that Barbie shytte.”
Skinny Bitch (at me, rolling eyes): “See? There’s no pleasing them.”
