May 9th, 2008

I remember that I met my buddy, Torch, through a car salesman I will call Bruce, because that’s his name and I can’t think of a funny blog name for him. Before I met her, though, Bruce had committed the sin of requesting that Torch cook him a corned beef and cabbage dinner, then not showing up for it.

I accompanied Bruce to his apartment so he could change clothes for a night of car salesman carousing. He was hoping she wouldn’t murder him if he had a witness. She had stomped off when she realized her dinner would not be served hot, and her hot temper had displayed the Jigg’s Dinner all over the kitchen, and some of it even landed in the garbage. It was awesome to behold.

Bright woman that I am, I thought, here is a person that would be fun to know. And she truly was. Cute, funny, and full of fire. I’m pretty good at not pissing my friends off, so I felt no fear.

Our friendship outlasted Bruce, I’m happy to say. At one point, we shared a flat, and another time, we both had a room at my mom’s place. Mom’s husband called me “the playgirl”. What can I say? I was young and horny, and playgirl sounds way better than slut. I was such a Wild Child.

Torch was more into serial monogamy. Of the angst-filled variety. She seemed to find the slutty, cheating boyfriends. I don’t know why, because in other ways, she was way more sensible than I. Oh, wait. Anybody would have been.

Anyway, she was in a bad way at the time we stayed at Mom’s. Her big love turned out to be a turd, and they had broken up. She was having a really hard time with it.

She got her hands on some sleepy-making drug, like Xanax, and she commenced to taking LOTS of them. She was really starting to scare me, but I played along with her for a bit, hoping she would get drowsy enough for me to get her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped.

I knew she would be furious with me. Oh, yes, I did. I had seen her temper, and I had determined not to be the brunt of it.

What do you do? Lose a friendship, or lose a friend?

The fun began when I chose the former.

Imagine, with the little visual aid I have provided here, one very pissed off, not so drowsy Torch, kicking, saying very bad words, and preventing egress at doorways all the way out of the house, into the car, and to the emergency room. The image doesn’t look nearly so angry or strong. Or slippery. You see the highlighted portion I have provided? That would be a doorway. Yes, she did have four arms and four legs that night. And she used them all to prevent us from taking her to the car. If it weren’t such serious business, it would have been comedy gold.

I did all this, with the help of a boy toy, to prevent this:

Notice the doorway theme? I’m fabulous that way.

We accomplished the deed, and I went slunk home. My Mom got an angry phone call at five in the morning.

“Where’s that (VERY bad words) witchypoo?”

Mom lied for protected me. She knew I was in mortal danger until Torch had cooled down.

Me? I was cowering and snivelling in a corner, hoping Torch wouldn’t find me. Yes, I am all that.

Torch is now married to a great guy, and we laughed about how she looked as we tried to wrangle her out the door. She thanked me for saving her life, and apologized for putting me in fear of mine.

Isn’t that what friends are for?

This entry was posted on Friday, May 9th, 2008 at 10:15 am and is filed under Torch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

15 Responses to “Run For Your Life!”

Memarie Lane Says:

I went through something very similar with my roommate Stephen. I never would have known there was a problem if he hadn’t come down the stairs and said, “Marie, I love you, and whatever happens, my parents will take care of you. And you can have all my furniture.”

I helped him up the stairs to his bed and saw a suicide note there listing everything he’d taken. He was in the hospital for a week, and neither he nor his family ever said thank you.

Now he’s a linguist at UCLA, and has definitely turned things around, and that is enough for me.

Memarie Lane’s last blog post..The Great Nothing

witchypoo Says:

Memarie Lane: In this case, not hunting me down and murdering me was thanks enough!

Sacred Suzie Says:

Quite a dramatic friend! I love fiery women but then again, I’m one of them. It took a long time for me to find a man and it’s been even harder to find female friends who can handle my wild temper and sometimes outrageous words.

You are both lucky to have each other and keep each other from going over the brink. I loved this story, thank you for sharing it!

Sacred Suzie’s last blog post..Be not afraid…

Talina Says:

Wow, that is quite the story! You were a good friend to her. I wold have slapped those pills away from her and suggested a bottle of vodka or something.. Would have gotten my ass kicked huh? Oh well, would have made for good blogging material!

Talina’s last blog post..Being a renter in Arizona kind of sucks!

lceel Says:

Just exactly what friends are for. Well done, you.

lceel’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – what I am

teeni Says:

We could all use more friends like you. :) The best part is that she wised up enough later in life to actually thank you. Not everyone gets to see that, as in Memarie Lane’s case, and I’m sure that it is not done in order to get thanks, but I’m sure it just makes your bond a better one.

teeni’s last blog post..I’m Outta Here!

Heather Says:

She’s lucky to have you and luckier still that you didn’t let her intimidate you!
What’s the latest on your Grammie?

Heather’s last blog post..So just how bad are all the others?

Shamelessly Sassy Says:

I agree. She’s very lucky to have you as a friend. Also, I hope your Grammie is feeling better.

Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Pink Lines & She’s All Mine

witchypoo Says:

Grammie update: BFF called me last night and although Grammie was befuddled with her pain meds, she seemed in chipper spirits, although tired.
The feeling of dread lifted around 4 pm yesterday, and so far, I don’t know what it was about. It was terrible though.

AssBurgerBoy Says:

someone who scared my mother. hehehehe!

witchypoo Says:

Ass Burger Boy: I know how hard that is for you to imagine. But I also fear Skinny Bitch’s wrath. She gets revenge.

honeywine Says:

I truly miss my schizo friends. I need more crazy.

honeywine’s last blog post..It’s time

Jenny Says:

“Remember that night you dragged me to the ER to have my stomach pumped? Oh, good times!”

Yeah, we all need a friend willing to drag us to the ER to save us from ourselves!

Jenny’s last blog post..Werd to My Motha

Road Trip | Psychicgeek Says:

[...] Torch’s decrepit Ford Cortina was particularly memorable . The rust was so bad, it was all that held it together. When we reached a certain speed, the fenders would lift. We thought we were flying in that Cortina. The splendour was not confined to the rust-riddled body, oh, no, it was not. Inside were many fast food meal remnants, and all manner of refuse. On the floor in the back grew a single marijuana plant. Makes sense, with all the smoking and the readily available compost. Torch always hollered at us so we wouldn’t trample her little pet plant. We honoured Torch’s wishes. She had a fearsome temper. [...]