November 8th, 2009

Most everybody in my hometown had nicknames, crazy nicknames like Cardboard, and Neva Nabber. They meant something in particular to the originator, but whether you knew the origin or not, the nicknames stuck.

The last time I visited there, my BFF from highschool took me with her to visit Neva Nabber,who had recently returned home to live.

During our catching up, Neva mentioned that her gay son lives in Salt Lake City. whereupon my recent research of FLDS sects kicked in, especially the old ways of dealing with sinners whose sins were too serious for the blood of Christ to atone for. So I figured a gay man in SLC was a target for Blood Atonement.

me: SLC? That’s an evil place for a gay man!

Neva: SLC is very cosmopolitan. Why do you say it’s evil?

me: Cause it’s full of those effing MORMONS!

Neva: Oh. Well, we’re a Mormon family.

me: frozen smile, cutting eyes wildly to BFF, who is trying very hard not to look at me.

me: changes subject, convo continues.

We had a mostly lovely visit. Neva was still the perky, fun-filled person she always was, and we left on good terms.

BFF and I get into the car, look at one another and totally lose it. Big, long gaspy breaths, tears streaming down the face. There may have been a little pee.

It’s good to know I still have the knack.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 8th, 2009 at 5:15 pm and is filed under down home, it's all about me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

16 Responses to “Open Mouth Insert Foot”

iamthediva Says:

Oh, those Mormons…

Krissa Says:

Bwahahaha! Yeah. You got’s it!
But, I love you anyway.
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warriorwitch Says:

I knew I was in good company with you

lceel Says:

I was going to ask you if you wanted to run away to Utah – where the Mormons have multiple spouses. So – you know – I could have multiple spouses. And I was going to include you. Because – you know – I love you and stuff. And I figured we could probably drag WW in and have … nevermind.
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Cat Says:

No worries – clearly if she’s ok with having a gay son and sending him to SLC, then they’re loosely “Mormon”, kind of like I’m a “college student” and a “hard worker”.
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Linda Says:

Oh dear God!! I’d have been mortified!

Good job there Witchy!

Hilarious!
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Nan Says:

Yes! Ten points for serendipity. Of allll the religions you had to pick on….

So Mormons can be wishy-washy too?
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Hyphen Mama Says:

Mormons are “allowed” to be gay? Whoda thunk?

I can see myself saying something like that! Holy crap, now I have to make sure I wear tasty shoes.

I love SLC in that it’s a nice city…but try being an outsider trying to find a place to get a beer after a particularly trying day with a client. No booze for outsiders.
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Miss Ash Says:

I’m pretty sure Lou just invited you & WW to be part of a threesome. I’m just sayin’.
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warriorwoman Says:

miss ash – only if he does windows
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Ree Says:

Hil-arious. So something I would do.
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Angella Says:

Oh, yeah. Something I would do. Totally.
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talina Says:

Nice! N did some stories on those mormons back when we live in AZ… Mormons and gays don’t go together, you are right!
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Genoa Says:

Ha ha ha
Sometimes it is better to think two or even three times before saying something…
It really helps to avoid situations like that…

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Says:

heh heh heh.

I need you here with me as deflection from my own foot in mouthness.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake Says:

I have that knack too. I’ve gotten use to the taste of sole.
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