February 21st, 2008

Usually, when I have a health concern, I keep it to myself because other people’s fears are disproportionate to the situation. Yesterday, I really had nothing else to blog about, so I’m sorry if anyone was worried. I consider a lump, just that. A lump. It doesn’t automatically translate to cancer. It just calls for investigation. I have set the wheels in motion in a timely fashion.

However, since Ass Burger Boy reads my blog sometimes when he comes up for air from World of Warcraft, I thought it prudent to discuss it with him so he wouldn’t learn about it on the interweb.

I love to see the way his mind works. I can pretty much jump from thought bubble to thought bubble right along with him. And somehow? Every single thing in his life becomes all. about. him.

He doesn’t see eye-to-eye with his older brother, Dances With Shrapnel. That may have started around the time that Dances used to hold him down and fart on his face, but the resentment has built over the years. He’s a Cancerian who holds onto his grudges tenaciously.

I didn’t expect any questions like “What does this involve?” or “Are you gonna be okay?”, which is just as well because the first question he asked me was if he had to invite Dances With Shrapnel to my funeral.

We had to rehearse the protocol for procedure after my untimely demise before I could point out that lump does not equal cancer in most cases.

It’s always all about him.

You gotta love him.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am and is filed under Ass Burger Boy, Dances with Shrapnel, the mundane. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

21 Responses to “It’s All About Him”

karaoke music Says:

That is quite a leap from just talking about a little lump, all the way to discussing the procedures to be followed in your demise. My daughter and I discuss all the time what to do with me in the end, and I have never even had a health scare.

lceel Says:

Paraphrasing Sam Clemens, “The rumors of my impending demise have been greatly exaggerated”. That’s just too funny. I especially liked the farting part. My two older sons are professional fart specialists and poor Zach, our youngest, took the brunt of the fart abuse.

lceel’s last blog post..100 word challenge #3 – precise

zoe Says:

i seriously believe this is a male trait. or should i say flaw.

zoe’s last blog post..Her life in pictures

teeni Says:

Wow. Quite a discussion you must have had. It is funny how different people’s minds work in such different ways. So glad you have a good sense of humor to deal with it.

teeni’s last blog post..Live Poet’s Society Assignment #3 From Teeni

Tasha Says:

That’s sweet, I’m sure he can read your moods and knew that you weren’t distressing too terribly about it which gave him an opportunity to bring up something he probably wonders about anyway.

You’re in my thoughts dear.

Tasha’s last blog post..Have I Got A Story

ABB Says:

I am going to clarify that the reason I don’t forgive my brother is that he did something really rotten. If he apologizes to the person involved (not me in this case) I will let it go.

ABB’s last blog post..Life

Moolahking Says:


I’m so sorry for not able to drop by to your site lately. I’ve been busy with my new project, where all my life depend on it..

Anyway, i still love you poo.. Remember that..!! :)

Moolahking’s last blog post..OMG..!!! I’ve Been Busy Lately

Jenny Says:

Well, it’s good to see he didn’t get overstressed by the situation.
I am hoping your appt with your fabulous doctor will provide some helpful answers.

Jenny’s last blog post..Just Doing My Part

Old Knudsen award winning commenter Says:

Will you still blog from the other side? thats my worry.

Old Knudsen award winning commenter’s last blog post..Farmers Find Love

warrior woman (aka warrior witch) Says:

I want to know if there’ll be wine. A good funeral has wine. Better thought – could you pick some up before you expire, you know what I like.
what? you can’t take your fortune with you, we may as well drink it.
And if I have to speak in public, over your coffin then I’m going to NEED the wine.
Oh, and can you write down some things you’d like me to say, cause I am rather lazy.
And hey, I’m there.
Yup, I’m all over it.

warrior woman (aka warrior witch)’s last blog post..and I never saw her again

BlueBella Says:

Doll – your lump has my most evil thoughts directed at it! I don’t care if it is benign, it deserves to DIE.

And for you, my best wishes, of course!

BlueBella’s last blog post..Babies’ First Letter From Jail

witchypoo Says:

karaoke: We have discussed many times procedure at my demise. Ever since my Mom died, ABB is horrified that his brother will behave the way my sister did. He thought lump=death=funeral, and I had to reassure him on both counts. He really rehearses a lot of scenarios ahead of time. It’s how he has learned to deal with everyday things, by rehearsing.
Tasha: He figured I was gonna die right then. He freaked a little. Bottom line is: What do I do IF? He needs to know that.
Knudsey: I haven’t decided if I will blog or just haunt you personally.
Warrior Woman: You will have to ask Ass Burger Boy. He gets to orchestrate the thing. As far as I’m concerned, you can just sharpen my toes and drive me into the ground.

cookiebitch Says:

Geezus, I literally feel like I just emerged from under a rock.

First, let me say – that was a great story.

Second, my thoughts are with you. I think you need to drink more tequila – tequila kills everything. I think I need to come over to supervise the administering of this medication too. You’ll need expert supervision.

cookiebitch’s last blog post..Put d Fkng ph dwn n T2 me

Marie Says:

And that cancer doesn’t necessitate death, eh?

My husband liked to do to his little bro what he calls a Dutch Oven. You get in bed with them, fart, and pull the covers over their head.

Marie’s last blog post..Upside-Down and Backwards

ALF Says:

Does he have to invite Dances?

ALF’s last blog post..I’m Not Getting It

kaylee Says:

LOL love that post but that subjct is not one I want to discuss LOL!

kaylee’s last blog post..My worst valentine’s Day

kailani Says:

He cares in his own special way.

kailani’s last blog post..Aloha Friday – Week 21

Anja Says:

Egads, I’m an evil wench. While I hope with all that’s within me that your lump is just a lump, I couldn’t help but laugh at Ass Burger Boy’s comment. I can imagine the deadpan expression on his face when he delivered it. Cracked me right up.

Anja’s last blog post..You?re a retard, son!

Veronica Says:

Now, how did he take the info that yes, he was required to invite his brother to your funeral if you accidentally cark it?

Not that you are going to. I won’t let you hee hee.

Veronica’s last blog post..Packing

witchypoo Says:

Kaylee: Ain’t none of us get out of it alive. It’s just a fact.
ALF: I think Dances would have a right to attend the funeral of his only mother. We have just set down some parameters.
Kailani: Of course he does. I didn’t take this as evidence of his not caring. I just went with it because I’m rather familiar with how his mind works.
Anja: Nothing evil about laughing over something funny. It was intended to be funny.
Marie: I thought Dutch Ovens were reserved for wives. In your hubby’s case, I guess he would want to keep his marital tackle intact, heh, heh.
Cookiebitch: Great story is a fabulous compliment to a blogger! Thank you thank you. Tequila is just a bonus.
Veronica: I told him that all control of content and procedures would be up to him. That nobody was entitled to go into the house unless he let them. That everything would be left to him, and that Dances should be allowed to select an item that may be sentimental, like old photo albums of when he was little, but that ABB would have the final say.

talina Says:

That sounds like something I would say to my own mother… Perhaps he knows that you don’t want people worrying and getting all worked up so he is making light of the situation to counter all the panicking..

talina’s last blog post..Time is a ticking…