April 7th, 2009

When I was about eleven years old, my Grammie and Grampie came to stay with us because of proximity to a first-rate hospital, which wasn’t available in our little pissant hometown. The hometown that I dearly love.

Grampie had had a heart attack in his mid-fifties. We weren’t supposed to jump out of nowhere and go “Boo!” because that might get his heart all wonky. This was revealed to me after several such incidents.

He was also very superstitious. I tortured him by raising an umbrella inside the house. I’m sure he was freaking out all day (now that I consider it. I was a total arsehole then, and considered nothing) That same day, I fell through the ice at recess, while playing on the forbidden lake, and hid this from Grampie, so he wouldn’t say “I told you so.”

But the nicest way I killed my Grampie was at mealtime. We had to stay seated at the table until our plates were cleaned. There were only two things I absolutely could not gag down. Liver. And cabbage. I never did make friends with liver.

Grampie, because of his heart condition, was not allowed chicken skin. Thus, the bargaining would begin. I would cleverly hide my chicken skin under the heaps of cabbage on my plate, and we would both eat very slowly. Everyone else was excused from the table. Grampie was left to supervise the cabbage consumption. My Grampie would wait until the coast was clear, and eat my cabbage for me, to reveal the forbidden chicken skin underneath.

Oh, how we rubbed our hands together in conspiratorial glee that we had foiled the food police together!

Unfortunately, Grampie died while staying with us. Another heart attack.

I miss him.

And I still save the chicken skin for him.

It’s the least I can do.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 at 6:54 am and is filed under rellies, stories from the olden days. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

25 Responses to “How I Killed My Grampie”

Judi Says:

There is a special place for those who save their chicken skin, and thus making their grampie’s last days filled with things he loved, precocious little girls and forbidden foods.

P.S. I called my grampie, grampie too…

Judis last blog post..Little Protector

cat Says:

he sounds awesome. reminds me of a story my grandmother loves to tell about my dad, who hates peas with a fiery passion. when he was a kid, she’d find rows of peas lined up in the window sill, under the rim of his plate, basically anywhere he could stash them to avoid eating them.

cats last blog post..got more than my fill of moobs

Dean Saliba Says:

I can’t eat liver, as it makes me gag, but I absolutely adore the smell of it cooking. Weird. :)

Dean Salibas last blog post..Entrecard Going To The Wall?

iamthediva Says:

this was such a sweet post.

iamthedivas last blog post..Triathlon – Training Day 3

lceel Says:

Sweet. And sad. And sweet. And sad. Sweetly sad. My #2 Son said, as he slipped me a Snickers Bar, “Hope this doesn’t cost you a foot.” My kids are trying to kill me one piece at a time.

lceels last blog post..What to do, 2?

Krissa Says:

Oh that’s a good story! Now, every time I see chicken skin I will think of your Grampie!
My great grandmother comes to mind any time I hear the words oatmeal, pulling taffy, and dominoes.

Krissas last blog post..Cam’s Periodic Table of Typeface and some other just random shit.

Torch Says:

What? I’m not supposed to eat chicken skin? … NO WAY!!!! LOL

Angella Says:

I’m both smiling and weepy.

Angellas last blog post..Ridiculously Awesome

Melissa from Pittsburgh Says:

Hey, I’m able to comment.

Gotta do this fast as I’m not sure how long it will last.

Grampie still appreciates that you save that skin for him.

This is exactly what sweet wonderful percious little girly granddaughters are suppossed to do.

Miss ya!

Melissa from Pittsburghs last blog post..The post without a title…

Old Knudsen Says:

Yes you were a right arsehole, no wonder we get along.

Old Knudsens last blog post..Do You Know What I Hate?

Ree Says:

Grampies are special. I lost both of mine when I was five, though.

I never made friends with liver, either.

Rees last blog post..But. Here’s the problem.

Karen Says:

Liver I love but not the chicken skin. You were a good granddaughter to have made your Grampie so happy.

Karens last blog post..Forbidden Rice and Sauteed Kale

Dennis Says:

That was nice Sis. I wish I could’ve met Grampie.

Theresa Says:

You always have such cool stories!

Dean Says:

We snuck grandpa booze. The stuff he’d tell us about our dad when we did!!!

talina Says:

Awe, what a fun story! I had an uncle that made me mix tapes of forbidden pop music when I was a kid.

talinas last blog post..Like everyone else, we’re looking for ways to “get by”…

teeni Says:

Bwahaha! I’m never eating at your house – sounds dangerous! LOL. But seriously, sorry about your grampie. I bet he is glad that you remember your conspiratorial times together so fondly. :)

teenis last blog post..Fail

zelzee Says:

Grampies are the best!

They may say “I told you so”, but they will never rat you out!

zelzees last blog post..The Apple Can Fall Far From The Tree

warriorwoman Says:

ya kill me woman.

great memory and great story.

warriorwomans last blog post..inside my weekend

Hyphen Mama Says:

Eating liver is like eating the filter out of your furnace. WHY would you eat the thing that filters toxins from your body? I will never understand it.

I, too, will forever think of your grampie as I’m feeding my chicken skin to my dogs.

Hyphen Mamas last blog post..Because I’m 3 rolls short of a picnic. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m not 3 rolls short of ANYTHING!

blindedbyblonde Says:

Great story. It makes remember when I was young and couldn’t leave the table until my greens were eaten. I would putt them in my mouth and spit them into my napkin. When that stopped working, I had to sit behind until I could sneak off and toss them in the toilet. Then I would call my Mom, she would inspect the garbage and clear me.

And we wonder why eating disorders are prevolant in this society?!!

Here is a liver free toast to your Grampie!!!

blindedbyblonde Says:

BTW..sorry for all the excessive info, don’t know how that happened

blindedbyblondes last blog post..Lubbock, Texas

Goddess in the Groove Says:

Grampies are the best….
Thank you :) .

Goddess in the Grooves last blog post..Is it a Doggy Dog world?

loulou Says:

My Granny made the best chicken skin!

I love the way you still save the skin for him.

Andy Bailey Says:

that was sweet, sad, funny and nice. Grampies are great, mine showed me a magic trick that I didn’t figure out until I was 30. haha, mean bastard told me I’d never get it in a million years! in your face gramps!

Andy Baileys last blog post..Imminently imminently imniinnii