March 24th, 2009

I know you’re thinking the usual way, and you would be partly right.

As soon as the wedding cleanup was done with, my first husband and I immediately began to receive pressure from his parents to make them grandparents.

We had other concerns, like travel, non-stop sex, and naked housework. You know, things that would make the marriage kind of fun. You’re welcome.

About two years after the ceremony, we were discussing the issue in bed, where all friendly talks are held, IMHO.

We decided that we would discontinue the birth control and see what happened.

The husband removed the birth control dispenser from the nightstand and flung it out the window. All without even getting out of bed. Awesome.

The next day I bought feminine supplies in bulk because they were on sale. Guaranteed to bring on a pregnancy.

They didn’t get used for about 40 weeks.

Later that very same week, I felt something different while performing the marital duties. Something more than the usual “the earth moved”. I just knew that we had conceived Dances With Shrapnel at that very moment. Wasn’t expecting it quite so soon.

I had a repeat of the same feeling when I conceived Ass Burger Boy. Right after going off the birth control. Also? Right after buying feminine supplies in bulk because they were on sale.


For those who are having difficulty conceiving, I’m sorry. For those who puke your guts out, I only barfed once in each pregnancy. I’m a freak of nature.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 at 8:21 am and is filed under Ass Burger Boy, Dances with Shrapnel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

17 Responses to “How I Got Pregnant”

MidLifeMama Says:

I blame my house, or the neighborhood I live in for my unexpectedly fertility. If I ever attempt to sell this house I am so going to advertise that it is Fertility Junction. Either that or I could rent out our guest room as a Bed and Breakfast with a side of conception thrown in.

I didn’t get sick during my pregnancy either, until the end when they had to deliver my son 2 months early or I might have died.

MidLifeMamas last blog post..Because he is freaking awesome

Gwynne Says:

I got sick once when pregnant with my son, and that was due more to motion sickness than the pregnancy. I was in a car, going through mountains on very curvy roads with a very bad driver. I was not the only on that puked that day. LOL

I’ll have to keep the mass quantities of feminine products in mind if I ever decide to try to have another, which is highly unlikely. I think I’m pretty much done with that :)

Gwynnes last blog post..I have this… strange… affliction… and I don’t know what to do about it!

Manuel Says:

Your desk is up…the first one anyway!

Ta Ta!

Manuels last blog post..The Thee Tenors…

iamthediva Says:

i didn’t puke once during my pregnancy, just had brief moments of nausea when certain smells permeated through the house.

same thing here, though, went of b.c. to see what would happen, and instantly pregnant. i dreamt 3 times that i was either pregnant or had had the baby already before i actually took the pregnancy test, which, bytheway, gave me a false-negative. But i was so sure, i FELT pregnant, that i too another test 3 days later and viola. Chewie.

iamthedivas last blog post..happiness is…(tmi?)

teeni Says:

Wow. So would you recommend going out and buying bulk amounts of feminine products for those looking to conceive? Seems like a definite pattern! ;)

teenis last blog post..Just Passing Through…

Angella Says:

I knew when we had conceived too. Weird.

Angellas last blog post..Back In The Saddle

Joie at Canned Laughter Says:

Fertile Myrtle here, too. Got preggers using 2 forms of birth control correctly and consistently. Thank goodness for hubby’s snip or I’d be on some creepy reality TV Show with my child herd. Or I’d have my own baseball team, which come to think of it wouldn’t be all that bad. Of course there’d be that whole drawback of having my lady bits dragging the floor…

Joie at Canned Laughters last blog post..Orange Rum Bread Pudding

Old Knudsen Says:

I puked a lot too and that was just from reading yer post.

Old Knudsens last blog post..What Does It All Mean?

Krissa Says:

Well, I have to say that I am impressed with anyone that has used “planning” and had it work for them. The only thing that we planned, (and had it work out), was the vasectomy.
However, I guess I should point out that we wanted girls both times and got that as well. Though I don’t think you could call that “planning”. Well…maybe YOU could. ;-)

Krissas last blog post..A letter to my daughters.

Donna B. Says:

I too knew when I conceived my first child. It is a feeling I’ve never been quite able to describe other than thrilling and wonderful.

However, I spent the next two months either sleeping or puking. The next two pregnancies were much easier.

Donna B.s last blog post..I’ve Been Incomputicado And Here’s What I Missed

lceel Says:

I never, EVER, threw up during any of SWMBO’s pregnancies. She, on the other hand, was another story.

lceels last blog post..Tuesday Tale – A bit of the story

Judi Says:

Don’t you just love it when you get pressure from others that you should “do certain things?” I say…”honeymoon as long as possible….., we are still trying to conceive..haha!” I never used BC before my first daughter was born and I actually thought I just had a stomach virus. I’ve always used “mind of matter” with the whole vomiting thing..honestly I think I have thrown up twice in the last 25 years. I simply refuse too.

Judis last blog post..I Can’t Seem To Get Started

Evey Says:

Kitchen table. Hey, I was young!

I was sicker than sick and sick on top of that. Just sick. I was uber hot at 4 months pregnant, I’d finally lost those 20 lbs!

We had been married for about 4 years when The Boy™ was conceived and that includes a year of “just seeing what would happen” off of birth control.

However, knowing that I had conceived was an entirely different matter. You have a gift!! Can you also tell if someone else has conceived?

Talina Says:

Well! I guess you were just a fertile one huh? After trying to conceive for over a year while things were normal and stable… we finally managed to “make a baby” right when things were getting insanely unstable. Murphy’s law or something… LOL

Talinas last blog post..Summertown & Nashville Tennessee weekend recap, fun times!

Ree Says:

Snirk. I tried to get pregnant for years with Practice. Lived with Mr. Hot for a month… ta da!

Rees last blog post..However.

Hyphen Mama Says:

It took exactly one try with Wynnie. The 2nd one took considerably more “trying”, to the point of wondering if we could just get it over with already.

Sick? Oh holy hell and back, I never EVER thought I’d get used to throwing up in public toilets. Or peeing my pants while doing so.

Hyphen Mamas last blog post..Completely Embarrassing Parenting Moment #94654

warriorwoman Says:

I threw up once, but I was drunk.

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