July 10th, 2008

Skinny Bitch and her husband have had a few rough times together. Mostly having to do with his gullible parenting. He adores his daughter so much that he would believe anything at all she tells him. Skinny Bitch was once a teenager, and she just plain knows better.

When Heartstopper was fourteen years old, this was a big problem. Huge. Dirtbag boyfriend. Skinny Bitch wants to keep her away from him since he’s a drug dealer and all. Mr SB is all whatever Heartstopper says must be true. It made her so crazy she had to leave until the dirtbag went back to jail and Heartstopper went back to normal. Mr. SB didn’t change a bit. She has plans for revenge about this.

Heartstopper is now eighteen years old. Skinny Bitch figures you can’t tell them what to do at that age, you pretty much have to trust that your guidance and values have taken.

Mr. SB asks Heartstopper about her new boyfriend, who has his own apartment. Heartstopper practically lives at the guy’s place.

Mr. SB: Heartstopper, when you sleep over at the boyfriend’s, where exactly do you actually sleep?

HS: Da-ad! (gives an accusing glare)

HS: I’m only eighteen! (eyes fill with tears, lip starts to quiver) I sleep on the couch. I’m not ready for sex yet. Gawd!

Mr SB: (in a very very small voice) I’m sorry.

Skinny Bitch used all of her restraint to keep from jumping up and clapping, her daughter’s performance was so convincing.

I suggested to her that she find a set of numbers like the judges use at the Olympics, so she can stand behind Mr. SB and rate Heartstopper’s performances.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 12:47 pm and is filed under Heartstopper, Skinny Bitch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

20 Responses to “Heartstopper’s Academy Award Performance”

Christy Says:

That whole drug dealer thing? I’m not OK with that.

But sex is good, right?

Why doesn’t HS just tell MrSB the truth?

And why does he even ask?

I guess every family is structured SO differently–hard to figure out..

All I know for sure is that SB and MrSB need to watch out for the kids driving a wedge between them….unless they WANT a divorce….

Christys last blog post.."If *I* were God (and I am, because I’m 13) I’d do it like this…."

zeghsy Says:

hehehe… when monkey puts on her performances, i do applaud and tell her that was definitely oscar worthy and let her know that i will happily attend with her so she can accept her award. it’s usually followed with a “gawd mother”. she’s only 11.

zeghsys last blog post..ma shoes!

moo Says:

wow, am I GLAD to have a boy and not a girl child.

moos last blog post..BREAKING NEWS

Krissa Says:

Oh My Gawd! Tell me there is no grown man on the face of the earth this gullible! When he was 18 would he have left his girlfriend alone, on the couch? I bet not!

Krissas last blog post..Where money goes to die, er, just get lost.

Memarie Lane Says:

I dunno, I actually had lots of totally platonic sleepovers that age. I’m totally serious.

Angella Says:

I’m already fearing Emily as a teenager…

Angellas last blog post..Introducing Myself

Old Knudsen Says:

There is gullible and then there is just plain stupid like when Mary told Joseph she got pregnant by god. She is 18 and can shag anyone she wants, just wait until Mr SB is baby sitting his live in grandchild then it might sink in what a dope he is.

14 and going out with a bad boy huh shouldn’t have even been dating, how were her grades ? seen the old ‘I love bad boys’ thing many times before then they spend half their lives wondering why their relationships fail and why do the men in their lives treat them like shit.

Old Knudsens last blog post..The Name Game

Jenny Says:

Here, Here Old Knudsen! When MrSB is paying for diapers and formula he’ll still be wondering what the hell happened.

I TOTALLY clap and stand up cheering when Wynnie plays the drama card. “Oh, that’s a 9.0… is that the best you’ve got?” I hope I still have that kind of stamina when she’s 18. I’ll probably just bury my head in the sand, too.

Jennys last blog post..She’s a Thinker

warriorwoman Says:

so glad I never produced an attitude with a vagina.

one of me in the world is enough.

warriorwomans last blog post..so what do you call a male cougar?

Talina Says:

Ha, no sex at age 18? Yeah right!

daysgoby Says:

Holy moley. Poor papa.

daysgobys last blog post..pretty bird

lceel Says:

Yet another reason I’m glad we had (have) boys.

lceels last blog post..100 Word Challenge – City

Heather Says:

That poor man! Is he able to dress himself? LOL!
I hope Heartstopper is at least on the Pill! Or Skinnybitch gets her an IUD.

Heathers last blog post..Passive-agressive scenes from my life.

teeni Says:

I have a hard time respecting a man who can get that wrapped around a woman’s little finger. Unless it is MY little finger, of course. heehee

teenis last blog post..Sign Up For Another Marie Cambridge Adventure

ABB Says:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m gonna be the crazy bastard on the porch and by coincidence telling daughter dearest that daddy is merely “cleaning his shotgun” when they leave for the date and “still cleaning” when they return. Adding to the guy for the point “I never miss”, even if it’s a BS lie since that visual display makes most guys crap their pants with the fear of all mighty God in their heads. I’m such a bastard at times.
Oh yeah, good post mom!

Ree Says:

Well of course she sleeps on the couch. AFTER they have sex on the living room floor.

Jacki Says:

LOL! Oh my 4 year old is already practicing for her Academy performances. And why is it little girls have their Dads wrapped around their little fingers? I could get things past my Dad, but not Mom!

mp Says:

I was totally just like Heartstopper…

mps last blog post..Childhood Meme

Melissa from Pittsburgh Says:

Mr T (my hubby) lives in the very same dreamworld, filled with loving daughters that can do NO wrong, and crazy insane mothers that lie about thier daughters….

AARRRGHHHHH

Do they not remember thier own childhood when they used to laugh about naive parents? HMM?

Melissa from Pittsburghs last blog post..I miss my alcoholism

nan Says:

Oh I so love having sons. They are no good at fibbing!

nans last blog post.."Don’t Hate Us Because We’re Beautiful…"