July 9th, 2009

I know you would never it guess it from here because of my goddess like fabulosity, but sometimes I can be a tad impatient with certain clients. Stupidity, not much you can do there. But man, what really chaps my chops is the people who have their heads planted firmly up their adorable arses. There should totally be a t-shirt.

It’s really a testament to my madd skillz that I can talk in code to crazies am diplomatic. Like the woman who I felt such sadness from. I told her that she had lost her job and had boyfriend trouble, which was correct. But then she lost it. Why? Because Michael Jackson was dead. While acknowledging her emotional intensity, I pointed out that his passing has no practical impact on her life, and that she might want to focus on a strategy to find employment, and one to either reconnect with, or dump the boyfriend. When what I really wanted was to tell her to give her head a freaking shake.

I’ll just gloss over the 80 year old man who wanted to know if his ex-wife put a spell on his dangly bits to keep them ever dangly. His present wife didn’t want to do without her nerve-calming activities, it seems. And the truth was that he had good circulation (it was checked out. New wife insisted.) The new wife was making up for a long dry spell, and she just didn’t spin his crank. Hence, he blamed the ex wife and the curse. Hoping I’d get him off the hook. I can’t make this shit up.

I was even diplomatic with the crazy cat lady. First she wanted to know if her cat really loved her. I chose not to give her the Warrior Woman explanation, the one where when cats are rubbing up against you, they are really marking territory with their saliva. Food source= belonging to this cat. And they don’t snuggle on you because they love you. They find the warmest, softest place to sleep. I totally told crazy cat lady that her cat loves her madly.

Then she wanted to know if her boyfriend had gone for a coffee with a female friend. I already told her that he wasn’t cheating, but she had to know every.single.detail. That’s when my diplomacy wore a trifle thin. I told her she had to let him out of the house sometime.

She didn’t care to ask if the boyfriend loved her. Just the cat.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 4:33 pm and is filed under clients, doing bidness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

22 Responses to “Does My Cat Love Me?”

yanicka Says:

LOL. You are so much more diplomatic then me. Then again I am a judgemental bitch. I hope I didn’t fall in the “nutter” cathegory ;o)

Krystal Says:

Wow! All I can think is wow!

Does my cat love me? I mean he is always licking my hands. So he must love me?

And if my husband were to sleep with another woman, one less thing for me to do today!

Is that morbid?

This post made me laugh! Can’t believe so people get their panties in a bunch over a freakin cat loving them.
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Buffalo Says:

Does my cat love me? I mean he is always licking my hands. So he must love me?
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warriorwoman Says:

warriorwoman says – my cats love me, YES.




and you know what else? she don’t seem so crazy to me
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lceel Says:

You are SO cool …. I wonder if your clients know you do this in pajamas.
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Miss Ash Says:


I used to struggle with the whole “my cats don’t really love me thing.”

And then, I realized that what those cats think about me really isn’t any of my business. As long as they don’t try to kill me in my sleep, we’re fine!
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Nan Says:

Wait… You mean it isn’t love? Just food? Darnit.

I missed you!
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iamthediva Says:

oh man, am i ready for people to stop talking about MJ’s death… sadly, though, i forsee another Princess Di… they’ll be talking about this forever.
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Hyphen Mama Says:

I cannot STAND people who create some personal “relationship” with celebrities and go all ape-shiz when they die. YOUR LIFE WILL NOT CHANGE. I guess the funniest part is that her life was in a shambles and she couldn’t get over MJ–who has gone on to bigger and better things already…. I guess you have to place your emotions somewhere, why not on MJ?
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ABB Says:

holy craziness, batman! Wow, you get some right nutjobs for clients, mom!

Krissa Says:

I KNEW IT! You CAN be diplomatic! I have never experienced this phenomenon… but suspected it was true due to the fact that you are a very successful psychic. How else could you not offend the ding-a-lings?
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Joie at Canned Laughter Says:

My pet psychic tells me you were traumatized by cats as a child. I’ve often told my hubby that I hope they never learn to translate dog language.

I’d much rather imagine that Daphne is saying “I love you” than find out she’s actually saying “Stop farting already, bitch.”

Ree Says:

Wait. Cats aren’t more important than boyfriends? Fuck a duck. ;-)
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Coast Rat Says:

I hope you are making notes of all these conversations so you can write a (or several) book(s) some day!
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Andy Bailey Says:

my cat rubbed itself on me coz it thought I was a gay cat.
it snuggled me because it was a gay cat.
it definitely loved me even though I’m not gay (or a cat).

but, you knew that already ;)

you made me larf today.
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????olqu??o? Says:

I have to disagree. I think our cats do love us — if only for the companionship.

Several years ago we left a tape recorder on while we were out (to record the awful racket the upstairs neighbors made All The Time for our landlord) and we came home an listened…

Oh, my!

It was our cat “meowing” all over the apartment. She had food, water, and her litter box was fresh. Still you could hear her going from room to room and meowing. It was a very sad meow.

Either she missed us and was looking for us or she didn’t like being alone.
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tokenblogger Says:

I hate it when ????olqu??o? doesn’t work properly!
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Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach Says:

“When what I really wanted was to tell her to give her head a freaking shake.”

Ooooooh I can SOOOOO relate!!!! Tact. It’s such a good thing (but so maddening to remember). :)
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FreedomFirst Says:

This all gave me a good laugh. Thanks.
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Mocking my Dead Mother | Psychicgeek Says:

[...] mind the whole mockery-with-a-dirty-laugh thing. Well, I dropped the mockery, and used my madd diplomatic skillz. The laugh? Not when I’m [...]

teeni Says:

LOL! Some people there are just no explanations for, huh? It was great to see these posts from you now that my vacation is over. It seems that Witchypoo is “back”! :)
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Angela Says:

Thats funny she asked if her cat loves her but didnt bother to ask if her boyfriend loved her.

Your clients need help some of the questions they ask.