Conversation this afternoon:

Ass Burger Boy: Are you going out somewhere?

witchypoo: No. Why?

ABB: You hosed yourself off.

witchypoo: I smelled like ass.

ABB: Oh.

Eloquence. I owns it.

In other news, I’ve been tweaking my theme again. The very pregnant Revka of RS Designs made me a signature for my posts. I have subscribed to their newsletter, and get the scoop when they offer free stuff. Free is my favourite price. If you subscribe, she might just make one for you, too!

She even offered to help me install it. I have issues where images in my posts all have borders, (unless they’re a:links) and the code would have given me a border to the signature, so I just put the signature as a background image in the CSS for the div that I always use at the foot of each post anyway. Works a treat.

You may now uncross your eyes.

You remember how once you have grown up, and no longer under parental control, you tell your parents about some of the stunts you pulled that you got away with?

Yes. Those things. I did it. It was fun to horrify them, and not get grounded.

It’s coming home to roost now. The past few days, Ass Burger Boy has been revealing some of the things he did that I had no knowledge of at the time.

How about the time he performed a fake seizure in the high school hallway? Why did the school not contact me? Apparently, he thought it was hilarious, and the spectators wrote it off as a bid for attention.

Or the time in junior high he approached his math teacher with bandages on his wrists? A fake suicide, big funny. Not. I didn’t hear anything about that one either. Which made me wonder, just how outrageous were his other behaviours that these incidents were not reported to me?

Oh, I did hear about the time he was messing with the cheerleaders’ minds by talking about a voodoo doll. But I felt partly to blame for telling that story within his earshot in the first place.

He did announce proudly how he fixed it so no teacher would question him if he wanted to leave the classroom.

Teacher: And why are you asking to leave the room?

ABB: I need to take a big, steaming, dump.

I guess word spread throughout the teacher’s lounge that he should just be allowed to leave quietly.

“I found this, Mom”

“What did you find, Ass Burger Boy?”

“This.”

“I can’t see it, it’s dark. NAME the object you are

holding in your hand.”

(frustrated) “THIS!” I can imagine him pointing to

the object in the dark.

This scenario also repeats itself when I’m driving, or doing something else

that needs full visual attention.

And my eyesight ain’t as sharp as it used to be.

When I can’t discern the object, he will edge closer

and closer to show me, rather than name the thing.

It drives me cah-ray-zee.

Not a long drive these days, I might add.

This is just one quirk I figure is attributable to Asperger’s Syndrome.

Did any of you watch Dawson’s Creek?

The boy is a dead ringer for Dawson.

Out of his mouth come the most bizarre and inappropriate things. He likes to shock people.

The other day, he asked me (a la boxers or briefs)

“Zucchini or cucumber?”

See, your mom isn’t someone you’re supposed to feel

comfortable asking that to.

He doesn’t hear my explanation of this concept (for what?…the zillionth time?)

He is doubled over with laughter.

Smartarse. Thinks he’s Tom Green.

When Ass Burger Boy was younger, he overheard me tell someone close that I would rather have them drop the F bomb than say the N word around him. I didn’t want that kind of hate in his vocabulary. He filed it away for future reference.

Nowadays, when he is frustrated or angry, he repeats the N word like a person with Tourette’s Syndrome. I have explained how loaded with hatred and bad juju this word is.

Then, in a rare moment of clarity, *ding, ding* it dawned on me.

Me: You use that word because it offends me so much, don’t you?

ABB: Yeah, kinda.

Me: Well, aren’t you just the effing rebel?

ABB: smirk.

Awarding of the Bling

From the lovely and fragrant Teeni, who wishes to acknowledge a few of her must read daily posts comes the Daily Dose Award. Be quiet. It wasn’t what you were thinking, now, was it?

I have to pick only three blogs who fill me with happiness when I see they have updated. Tough call. You should subscribe to these three, and become addicted your ownself. Drum roll, please…

1. Zoe

2. Veronica

3. Well Done Fillet

From my much loved bloggy buddy, Zoe, comes the I Less than three your blog, which I take it to mean that she hearts my blog.

There are many blogs that I heart as well. I just feel all warm and fuzzy when I visit them. Here are three:

1. Teenie, Vaguetarian Tea Room I was going to also award this to I am the Diva, but I figure Teeni will get it to her.

2. Texas Poppet

3. Loralee’s Looney Tunes

And? I really hate having to narrow it down to three. There are so many great blogs out there.

A money order that was addressed to the wrong province. Mailed March 11. A money order that was made null and void this morning, and a replacement sent in the mail today. Possibly to the wrong province again.

An iriver multimedia player / storage thingie. Won in a contest that ended February 29th.

It has 20 Gigs to play with. Loaded with 7 Gigs of movies, tunes, and pictures. I’m scared to look. Ass Burger Boy was laughing his Burger off at a clip entitled “Donald Duck Blow Job”. Thanks, Noob. I really needed to have that in my brain.

It’s worth $250 and I just posted it on Kijiji for $150.