January 17th, 2010
I was on a lengthy phone call last night with one of my twin cousins. At one point in the convo,she told me that her twin sister was playing with the Ouija Board, and had a message for me.
The message? Was from my first puppy love boyfriend, Horny McSlutty The content of the message was that he was sorry for the way he had treated me.
Twin cuz was a bit startled by my response. Because I totally cracked up.
She only got the funny when I described the picture in my head of the long line of women that this boy had to contact from the spirit realm to apologize to. I just figured he’d be wicked busy for quite some time.
I did an obit search and didn’t find his death announcement. Frankly, there’s a few other people I would like to get an apology from for the way they have treated me. This one? It’s a non-issue. I’m so over it.
September 29th, 2009
My folks come from an island in the Bay of Fundy. Island folk are rather insular, sometimes even xenophobic, and they have their ways.
Some of them are quite the characters, colourful like you don’t see everyday for sure.
One of these was Poopy Small. My uncle told me how Poopy got his nickname. I’ll leave those schoolyard details to your imagination, but it stuck even after he was all grown up and a grandfather to boot.
One time when Poopy was not feeling entirely like his nickname, if you get my drift, he was so uncomfortable that he visited the crusty old island doctor for relief.
The doc told Poopy to take some suppositories and come back in a week.
Doc: How’d those suppositories work for you, Poopy?
Poopy: (whiny old man voice) You know doc, for all the good they did me, I might just as well have stuck them up me arse.
That’s Island Folk for you.
August 19th, 2009
Hi. Remember me? I almost don’t remember me myself. For those of you who have wondered about my references to Herman, I explain it all over at Kelley’s place.Code name: Teh Awesome. Because she is.
Long story short, a while back, I had severe problems with my arsehole, and it caused me a lot of discomfort. The always solicitous Krissa was very concerned. Why, I do not know. She’s caring that way. She loves her a good arsehole. Or a defiant one. Whaddoo I know? She’s great.
My first TMI Thursday post details the whole conversation to give my arsehole a name. And now that I think about it, how sad am I that I wouldn’t put it on my own blog?
March 26th, 2009
Has anyone ever used the stealth method of parenting? Dances With Shrapnel still holds this one against me:
witchypoo: Time for bed.
DWS: But I’m not tired.
witchypoo: It’s DARK out. (It was winter, dark came at 5:00pm)
witchypoo: Eat your corn.
DWS: I don’t like it.
witchypoo? Are you kidding? Did you know if you eat lots of corn, you can see it in your poop the next day?
DWS: Really? (wide eyes as he contemplates the thrill of seeing corn in his poop)