May 13th, 2009 | 20 Comments »

I had a TMI post all written about how Herman got his name, but then I recalled two things:

  • I had stupidly sent emails to the people where I do my banking (Hi! wonderful banking people!) that contained a link to my blog in the sig line. Since they have met me in person, I knew they would associate that post with me every time they saw me.
  • I had promised Kelley, who is having blog problems, a guest post, even though I, myself, have been posting maybe once a week. But I love her and she is all kinds of the awesome, so someday, Kelley will let you know about Herman. He has a twitter account, really.

Did you know it was mercury retrograde? Consider yourself warned. Back up your data. Expect miscommunications, misunderstandings, and old issues to resurface. Travel plans, especially short term travel plans, are certain to be a fool’s errand.

I am embarking on a fool’s errand tomorrow. I was supposed to leave today for a sibling type reunion, but hello?? Merc retro.

A client had insinuated herself into my life because she was hurting so much. I didn’t give much thought to the fact that she had ABSOLUTELY NO EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. (She had alienated everyone else in her life. Hah! How smart was I? But, she was suffering. She really had some terrible things happen in her life.)

As a result, I worked less hours (logged on) than usual to accommodate her many visits, even though I was trying to collect enough hours to take a week off. (I need to be firmer with my boundaries)

Then last week, (full moon in scorpio, uh oh) she showed up (while I was logged on) and proceeded to berate me with all the crazy ways that I was not BEING HER FRIEND. (Did I mention boundaries?) How does a client I felt sorry for become a friend? A “friend” that gets extremely unhinged if you don’t meet her needs in the way that she wants them met? I would say see a therapist, but a therapist has those pesky boundaries where you have to actually make an appointment, and can’t just drop in to dump all your shit on because you have been dwelling and DWELLING on it and cannot stand it another minute unless you share the misery RIGHT NOW.

After placing the entire blame on ME for her being so stressed she had to take a leave of absence from her work, she stormed out. Great. It usually takes me about three days for my energy field to clear itself after such an intense encounter. I was useless to work. So, I took a mini stress leave, because I didn’t feel I could serve my clients properly.

That might have been over and done with, but she wasn’t finished with the demands. By email. My refusal to meet these demands were met with vicious assaults on my character and psychic abilities. I had to block her email and instruct her not to call or drop in ever again.

I don’t know why I let her upset me so much, but I continued to be unable to work. I was planning for last week to be a humdinger, so I could make up for the week I was planning to take off to visit with siblings a short journey away. (Siblings and short journeys are third house matters, which are ruled by Mercury, which is retrograde.)

Now I don’t have the reserve funds to travel that I had, and am trying to contact my brother, Dizzee, who I cannot reach by phone. We are supposed to meet up at Skinny Bitch’s place, and we can travel to the gathering together, then afterwards, he and his long-lost daughter, Hidden Treasure, will come to my place to visit, driving me home. Except I can’t reach him to determine if he will be also travelling with another brother, Mr. Trick and his daughter, Cutie Pie,in which case there would be no room. Mr. Trick is not answering his phone either. Damn you, merc retro!

April 3rd, 2009 | 17 Comments »

I just found the images I took last summer of Skinny Bitch and Will Yummy, just before I was kidnapped into a camping trip.

I had always wanted to convey the enormity of the cocktail glasses that Skinny Bitch uses, and finally! I have photographic evidence.

Thanks to Linda for reminding me to post puzzles.

Create your own puzzles at PuzzleBee.com!

Enjoy!

February 27th, 2009 | 15 Comments »

Some of you may recall the shocking news about my dear friend, Skinny Bitch, getting dumped.

This was unprecedented, or in her words, fucking tragic. She never had patience for women with broken hearts before, because she could not relate. She was all “Wah, wah, get another one, the planet is full of men.” SB literally had no idea.

She loved Hearthrob, but he had already made a promise to his former girlfriend that he would travel to Alberta and try to make it work. Even though his heart wasn’t in it after Skinny Bitch’s call. A promise is a promise.

I told her that she knew what kind of a good and decent guy Hearthrob is, and that I know he loves her. It was the only time she ever expressed any insecurity about herself. Ever.

I’d been wondering how she was doing, but could never reach her by phone. She’s too frugal to buy a computer. A $16,000.00 diamond ring however? That is an investment. Oh, yes, she did.

She finally reached me between shifts last night. What she told me wasn’t exactly a shocker, because hello? Psychic. I had also seen Hearthrob announce on Facebook that he had a new telephone number. Not an Alberta number.

They have been inseparable since he got back. He treats her like the queen she is. They’re really happy, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for her.

Every once in a while, though. she remembers how he blew her off for another woman, and she gives him that look. And in her mind, you know she’s going “You fucker.”

And he just laughs. He knows her well.

Posted in Skinny Bitch
November 18th, 2008 | 25 Comments »

For once, I am speechless. The unthinkable has happened.

Skinny Bitch has been dumped.

Skinny Bitch and Will-Yummy

I know! She can’t comprehend it either.

I guess I need some backstory here.

When she had the terrible car wreck that left her in a halo brace for five months, she and Mr. SB had been divorced for some time. For good reason, I might add. She was more than a little bitter. Even fantasizing for ages how she could plot his demise, and get away with it. Don’t piss her off. She holds a grudge.

Mr. SB dropped everything, including his live-in girlfriend, rented his house out, and moved in to take care of Skinny Bitch and the kids. Heartstopper and Georgie were seven and nine years old at the time. He earned a lot of brownie points in my book for that. Not so much with Skinny Bitch. She holds a grudge.

Nobody but me believed this, but all the time this was going on, she and Mr. SB slept in the same bed, and didn’t have sex. Why? She holds a grudge.

Skinny Bitch compartmentalized her life. She kept a stable home for the kids, but she dated, went away for weekends when Mr. SB was available to take care of the kids, and? She fell in love.

For the first time in her life. Heartthrob was a beautiful man on the outside. Shiny, clean, long dark hair. Gentle, kind, smart and funny. The kind of man who never played mind games. Everybody who knew him adored him. The only thing that really really bothered her was their age difference. He was ten years younger. He still lived with his parents while he went back to school. He had no real ambition because he wasn’t big on accumulating wealth. He just wanted to live his life and be happy. Beautiful on the inside too.

Then her daughter, Heartstopper, turned thirteen, and all hell broke loose. The home situation required all of SB’s attention, and SB figured that Heartthrob could use some time to grow up a bit. They broke up, and Skinny Bitch tried very hard to pull together with Mr. SB to get the kids through this. They bought a beautiful house in a secluded neighbourhood, hoping to get Heartstopper away from her dirtbag boyfriend. The one who only went away because he was incarcerated for dealing drugs.

Mr. SB had his own ideas of raising a teenage daughter with a dirtbag boyfriend, and they consisted of believing anything she said and letting her do whatever she wanted. To say that Skinny Bitch was bitter would be grossly understating the case. She was the freaking queen of bitter. And? She was a wreck. I was very afeared for her sanity and well-being at this time.

Heartstopper turned eighteen, and Skinny Bitch began to accept that her parental say was over. She was still very bitter that Mr. SB sabotaged it with his dysfunctional parenting approach. She holds a grudge. Did I mention that?

Last summer, I knew that she was back to plotting Mr. SB’s demise in her head, just by the way she cut her eyes at him. I knew the end was very near.

She unlocked her insurance settlement after consulting with financial advisors, and bought herself a lovely Victorian house with a huge down payment. She said to me “What good is that money to me, sitting in investments, if I’m miserable?” It’s true, money can’t buy you happiness, but at last, she had her own space, where she had a say in her life. I was happy for her.

She asked me to email Heartthrob to find out what was going on in his life. He very generously donated server space and resources to me, so I could test out some sites I was developing. He also very generously had given me lots of development advice. Great guy!

Heartthrob was unattached, and they talked on the phone. He still loved her, and wanted to come over right away. I think if he had, he would still be there.

Skinny Bitch wanted to take it a bit more slowly. She called him a week later, and he was rather indifferent. A week after that, a man answered and said he had moved out to Alberta.

I never saw this coming. From everything I know about Heartthrob, he is not the kind of man to play games. The only man she has ever loved. And the only man who has ever dumped her. She was astonished as I was.

It’s been really rough for her. She can’t let it go. She has fantasies of them running through a meadow in slow motion, all happy and thrilled, and in the back of her mind, just a little, she is muttering “You fucker.”

Because, after all, she holds a grudge.

October 7th, 2008 | 11 Comments »

I was talking to my home girl, Skinny Bitch, on the phone the other night. She just bought a new house, and is making adjustments to being single after a long time married. Which totally cancels out her plans to get even with Mr. SB for his transgressions. Be very relieved, Mr. SB.

I was telling her about all the young women who call me on the psychic power network, or PPN. They want to know if the object of their desires will call them or text them, and what does he mean by “I just want to be friends”?

I explained that I tell them to create an air of mystery, and step back a bit, see if he comes to them.

Skinny Bitch erupted into gales of laughter.

“OMG! That’s totally code for STOP STALKING HIM!”

She knows me so well.