We were all crammed into a van, which boarded the ferry for a seventeen hour trip to Mooseland. There was Rye and Ginger, Illa, and Medicine Man.

Illa had generously offered half of her bed the night before, but neither of us was comfortable sleeping with someone, so it was an iffy nights sleep. And we had to be up at five am to catch the ferry.

There was entertainment on the ferry in many forms. I saw a little kid bouncing up and down in the video arcade around midnight.

Luckily, Tenderheart had rented a cabin, and various members of the psychic tour took turns crashing on one of the bunks in it. It was pure heaven to the sleep deprived.

Speaking of sleep-deprived, this morning Illa volunteered to go to Timmie’s and fetch us some breakkie. She asked if I wanted something, and I said I wasn’t hungry. I have no recollection of this.

But I digress.

On the ship was a husband and wife act in the lounge. I could tell by the way she cut her eyes at him that there was trouble in paradise that day.

He had a script of jokes, which he told well. He brought out this mandolin, which he informed us was his “girlfriend” adding that the wife was jealous of her.

Do I have a big mouth? Why, yes, yes I do.

I cracked “Does that bitch (the mandolin) make your supper for you?”

Immediately, the wife cracked up. Just lost it.

The husband? Not so much.

Will-Yummy and a few of his relatives hung out with me.

We always manage to have a good time.

I’m low man on the totem pole with these shared accommodations. Last one to get a shower, so left behind when the others run errands.

Will-Yummy and Tenderheart are showing the rellies around, and promised to stop by and take me with.

I have a plan. Let’s hope they remember the plan.

Skinny Bitch and her husband have had a few rough times together. Mostly having to do with his gullible parenting. He adores his daughter so much that he would believe anything at all she tells him. Skinny Bitch was once a teenager, and she just plain knows better.

When Heartstopper was fourteen years old, this was a big problem. Huge. Dirtbag boyfriend. Skinny Bitch wants to keep her away from him since he’s a drug dealer and all. Mr SB is all whatever Heartstopper says must be true. It made her so crazy she had to leave until the dirtbag went back to jail and Heartstopper went back to normal. Mr. SB didn’t change a bit. She has plans for revenge about this.

Heartstopper is now eighteen years old. Skinny Bitch figures you can’t tell them what to do at that age, you pretty much have to trust that your guidance and values have taken.

Mr. SB asks Heartstopper about her new boyfriend, who has his own apartment. Heartstopper practically lives at the guy’s place.

Mr. SB: Heartstopper, when you sleep over at the boyfriend’s, where exactly do you actually sleep?

HS: Da-ad! (gives an accusing glare)

HS: I’m only eighteen! (eyes fill with tears, lip starts to quiver) I sleep on the couch. I’m not ready for sex yet. Gawd!

Mr SB: (in a very very small voice) I’m sorry.

Skinny Bitch used all of her restraint to keep from jumping up and clapping, her daughter’s performance was so convincing.

I suggested to her that she find a set of numbers like the judges use at the Olympics, so she can stand behind Mr. SB and rate Heartstopper’s performances.

I had a great time at Skinny Bitch’s house while working the psychic fair in her city. The two of us play off each other, and we laugh till tears stream down our faces and we pee a little. Then we laugh some more. We refined the ingenious plot to torture her husband, but that is a different story.

The last night of the fair, we always close up shop around 7pm, so there is usually some socializing going on. Most of the psychics pick a nearby place with ho-hum food, and if I’m going to spend money on eats, it had best be something delicious.

So Skinny Bitch, my Port City Bitch, and myself went to an all you can eat lobster place, and came back afterwards to find that the psychic crew had already left ho-hum food land.

We did locate Will-Yummy and Tenderheart, which was who we were intent on seeing anyway. These two men are roomies, not lovers, and we visited them both in their very nice motor coach. Tenderheart doesn’t drink at all or socialize much, so we dragged Will-Yummy off for a night on the town that ended up at casa Skinny Bitch.

Port City Bitch* (pictured above) dropped us off, saying he had had enough of the wild side. Actually, he was aware of SB’s drink dispensing policy. And? He was driving.

Just to illustrate the size of the glasses SB mixes her most excellent drinks in: (I had a picture, but my batteries ran down. It’s gone now.) When she discovered them, the clerk said they were footed candy bowls. SB cocked her head, arched an eyebrow, and softly asked “Is that what you see when you look at them?” because she was totally loading them with ice and Bloody Caesars in her mind.

We consumed a few by the pool, and much hilarity and catching up ensued. They were both fascinated by my Skinny Bitch stories. Both read every one of them and laughed like fools. Will-Yummy announced that he was kidnapping me to go camping. At 5am, we gathered up most of my stuff, including the lovely housewarming gifts SB had given me, and taxied back to the motor coach, where I deposited my stuff and collapsed into the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in. The coach technically sleeps six, but since there were only three of us, plus one very cute dog, we all were very comfy in air-conditioned splendor.

I had a really great time. Will-Yummy and I laughed ourselves silly, while Tenderheart did the driving. There may have been beer. I know I brought a box of wine to leave at W-Y’s sister’s place. She was a most gracious hostess, and very down to earth. I asked if I was required to behave around his family, and was given a resounding NO! Be yourself!

And that’s exactly what I did.

I have given Tenderheart his blog name for good reason. While in the sister’s town, he spotted a stray dog, and asked me to keep an eye on Elton, his own dog, while he offered the stray food and water.

Since I’m a troublemaker at heart, I took the opportunity to tell Elton that Tenderheart was cheating on him with another dog. It must have worked because that night Elton slept with me. Hah!

All and all, I would have to say that although the ride in the motor coach took two days longer than a bus ride home, it was packed with so much fun and comfort that I believe I would go camping again.

If I were kidnapped. Because camping is apparently not for the weak.

*Photo courtesy of Tenderheart.

I know you have all been waiting for a pic of Skinny Bitch, but now you get a bonus.
Yes! SB and Will-Yummy feeling her boobies.
I do it because I love you.

I’m still having computer problems, but hope to resolve them soon. Then I will tell you the backstory of how I
got kidnapped into a camping trip.

My cousin, one of the twins, picked me up yesterday to visit with Grammie, and it was a treat and a half.

Grammie’s eyes lit up like Christmas when she saw me, and there were a few tears of happiness all around.

She is not falling anymore since her meds have been adjusted. She had had a stroke, and the medicos had blasted her with blood pressure meds so much that her BP was dangerously low. As a result, she had many falls because she was so dizzy when she stood up.

The geniuses only figured this out recently, and now she has been getting out of bed and walking with a walker. Still a little shaky from so much bed rest, and being tied to a geriatric chair.

She’s still full of spirit though, and although she hates the hospital (can’t blame her) she likes to shock the nurses by saying she broke her dink. (she broke her pelvis in a fall)

I think she will be able to go back very soon to the lovely place she was before she was admitted to hospital. The people who run it are wonderful, and they all love her. That makes them A-OK in my books.

I have had very little internet access since I wrote this, and I came home from being kidnapped into a camping adventure just now.

I booted up my home computer and it had a hard disk boot failure message. Oh, the woedness!

Will keep y’all updated as soon as I’m able, but for now, I have sound files from the readings I did last weekend to upload to the server.

I got some pics of Skinny Bitch and Will-Yummy, but will not be able to upload them any time before Friday. Wait for the post. We all had fun!