February 18th, 2009 | 16 Comments »

comebacks to say to another girl you hat: I kind of think if you hat a girl, you would be supplying a service, and therefore should be polite. Or are you having issues with spelling? Google isn’t Twitter, you know.

couldn’t get disk out of vagina: How would you confuse a vagina with a computer? Or is that a typo? And why did that search term bring you here?

my dog has funny looking poop: Should I be happy for you? Or are you looking for medical information?

“first date” slut blog: Okay, I totally cop to this one, since I slept with my husband on our first date.

christy’s vagina: Christy comments here sometimes, but as far as I can tell, her vagina has not.

one of these day you little turds is gon: To what? I really want to know. Should your children be worried?

what kind of doctor checks my butt: That would be a butt doctor. Or, if you want to get fancy, a proctologist.

jc penneys manager is asshole: Could he need a butt doctor?

“imagine you did housework”: I imagine it all the time. Sadly, my powers do not include magical housework. I do bribe Ass Burger Boy to do some things.

Posted in search terms
December 18th, 2008 | 17 Comments »

Sometimes, it’s tough to dredge up a post involving search terms for me, because a lot of them are similar. So when I see one that is mildly intriguing, why I just paste it into my editor and save it until I get a few I can reply to. Here is the current crop. Do you notice a theme?

i fart a lot never poop A fart is your body’s signal that a poop is imminent. Ignore it at your peril, and periodically produce painful, rock-like waste matter.

punishment for farting See above. That? Is punishment.

funny poopy It must be the 10 year old boy in all of us, but yes.

does colonic irrigation stop me farting No, it doesn’t. But it does make your magnificent farts visible

“hair in rollers” Just don’t sleep in them. Painful.

cleaning the house naked Yes. But no cooking with hot oil or bacon. Ouch.

“sex with shoes” How would you obtain the consent of said shoes? And what kind of a fit would that be anyway? (Tab A, Slot B, I don’t think so)

skinny bitch real? One hundred percent real. I read the stories to her and she congratulated me on my excellent memory. Only thing changed is the name.

i know i can be a bitch Don’t worry. Even bitches have friends. Usually people who enjoy being pushed around and yelled at for no reason.

Posted in search terms
November 12th, 2008 | 25 Comments »

I haven’t been regularly saving my search strings lately. They are rather similar. Lots of searches for naked housework, and one that cracks me up because I’m sure it disappoints, is The Vagina Rocks. I get about 10 or so hits a day on that post. Here are some rather persistant search terms.

what do you say to make a boy horney? How tough can this be? Boys are naturally horny. Usually, just saying that you are willing to have sex with them is enough. Of course, if he’s gay, you might want to have your brother say it.

christmas pajama party I had a fun pajama party a few weeks ago, since I’m logged into the Psychic Power Network most of the time and don’t get out, it was more come as you are in my case. However, I’m thinking Christmas pajamas would be very festive and fun. We could all model our new Christmas themed jammies. Don’t be giving me ideas. I’m dangerous that way.

how to make girls fart The quickest way is to feed them beans. Or, in my case, meat. I did a you tube search for a video that I found hilarious. Makes me laugh. Every single time. I’ve watched it a lot. And I want to share it with you, because, dang, farts are funny.

During my YouTube search, I began to suspect that this querent wanted to make girls fart for reasons other than comedy.There was kind of a p0rn fart video. Yuck. Your search brought you to the wrong place. Farts are funny. That is all. Now go to YouTube. They have what you want.

hangy breasts porn I can only suspect the poor dear is no longer stimulated by his wife’s implants. Could have saved yourself a bundle if you saw that coming, couldn’t you, sunshine?

mcslutty That’s Horny McSlutty to you, missy. He was my first love, but he is still up to his old tricks. You are welcome to him. Just tell him you are willing to have sex with him. See above, in how to make a boy horny.

Posted in search terms
April 18th, 2008 | 17 Comments »

It’s just about time to break out some of the search terms that landed people here. I have a Dr. Phil type question here: What were they thinking?

horny girl do big farts-I’ve never been so horny that I would do a fart. Once I did an old fart. Does that count?

accidental peeing in public-Would that be opposed to peeing in public on purpose?

what to say to a boy to make him horny-“I am willing to have sex with you.” That generally works.

iam a “bit geek”-Good for you! I’m a bit “rock and roll”. I have no idea why I was compelled to say this.

are meat juices contain blood- Meat juice IS blood.

how to make women horny without touch-Do domestic chores. Or buy them real estate.

witchypoo shart-Ah, at last, TMI brings me new readers.

psychic boob reading-Does this mean that I’m the psychic boob? Or are you looking for someone who reads actual boobies? Would they do that by touch? If so, I expect a lot of men might apply for this job.

how to call crows-I use the crow dating hotline. And mostly, I throw bread out in the dooryard for them. They like that.

farts made her horny-Which begs the question: What were you eating that your farts made her horny? Or can you play a Barry White tune with your rectum?

my husband farts too much what can i do-You could aspire to be the girl that gets horny from farts. That might work.

eye bleed photos-Obviously, someone has seen my crappy photography. I’m not legally responsible for any damage to your retinas. Do I need a disclaimer? Back off, then.

“i wear a crown” comment-Although in my mind, I am Queen of All I Survey, somehow, I thought my crown was of the invisible variety.

beansoup aprons-Why, oh why, does beansoup need an apron? Is beansoup a sloppy cook? Maybe I should ask Bacon?

touch him you go through me-You must be the ghost that is standing in front of him all the time. Stop it.

fermented excrement-I guess methane is the new meth. I had to google this, and really, it is being used as an hallucinogenic, which allows the kids to see dead people. Newsflash: You don’t need to huff crap to see dead people.

+”maxi pad”+”pee”-So is that like a training Depend?

Posted in search terms
March 11th, 2008 | 20 Comments »

When I see what search terms people use to find my site, I always copy them into a separate document, so you can all enjoy them too. It seems scatological topics dominate this time. I blame this post. Here are a few of the gems I came across.

sick ass farts: Would this be opposed to say, healthy ass farts? What exactly is a sick ass fart?
my fart wont last: All good things come to an end my dear. Move on now.
girl fart smellers: Is this person trying to find a girl fart smeller? Or trying to smell girly farts? They’re so vague in their terms.
fart thinker: This must be for the intellectual fart seekers.
how to see a fart: Ask the fart to appear to you. Don’t expect too much. They’re bashful about being seen.
girl fart in movie: I must have missed this one at the theatre.
i get horny when i fart: Lucky you. I bet it has a different effect on others.
fart initiation: Into what?? Adolescence?
fart inhaler: If you have asthma, I doubt you need this brand of inhaler.
girls farting right on guys: Are you the same guy that gets horny when you fart?
can farts make u money: Maybe girl farts in movies do?

fart bubbles: For those times when soap bubbles just won’t do.
people who can really fart: I’m sick and tired of all those bogus farters too. Posers!
fart punishment: How does one punish a fart? Bad fart! Go to the naughty chair.

toilets with poop in them : It’s not like you were expecting candy in toilets is it?
poop that u can see: As opposed to that pesky invisible poop?

how can i make him horny without touchin: Apparently from these search terms, there are many and surprising ways.

Posted in search terms