April 22nd, 2008

My BFF, Skinny Bitch, is a very confident woman. She has no body image issues what.so.freaking.ever. I know. She’s a freak.

When I met her, she had no boobies. Just nipples. Really. In fact, one time she made a crack about flashing a nipple at someone, and added “And I DO mean a nipple.” She was fine with that.

The one drawback is that she is a clothes horse. And? Certain clothing was off-limits to her because it required actual boobage to fill it out. Thus began the carefully thought-out campaign to get her some boobies. She asked opinions. SB didn’t want a gigantic rack, just enough to fill out her clothing.

She demonstrated by calling a girl over who had the right size A cups, and told her we all wanted to look at her cute dress close up, when in reality, we were assessing her boobies, and mentally cut and pasting them onto Skinny Bitch’s nipples.

Skinny Bitch was in bra and clothing heaven after her implants. She had never owned a bra before, and she found a whole lot of them on sale, because of their small size. She bought 25 of them.

The first time I saw her after her operation, she met me for an hour in a diner across from the bus terminal, as I wasn’t scheduled to visit in her city that weekend.

Right in front of God and old ladies, she whipped up her shirt and showed me her new boobies. In the diner. She made me repeat the words “They are spectacular” (Big Seinfeld fan) I dutifully admired the spectacle, but drew the line at feeling them in the diner. I would take her word that they felt natural.

I was telling our mutual buddy, Will-Yummy, about SB’s latest adventure, and warned him that she would offer to let him feel them. He may be gay, but he’s an excellent sport.

Sure enough, when we were both in her city, the three of us arranged to go out together, and before we left, she had to show him. And let him feel, because they were all natural feeling. He made the obligatory oohs and ahhs. SB was giddy.

I wonder if it occurred to her that he had nothing to compare them to. You know, him being gay and all.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm and is filed under Skinny Bitch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

29 Responses to “Boobies for Skinny Bitch”

B'dum B'dum Says:

has he never been with a chubby lad?

the second seinfeld was mentioned i drifted off into simulating the episode rather than focusing properly on the blog.

B’dum B’dum’s last blog post..Butterfly Burial

Jenny Says:

And by now, I’m SURE you’ve felt them. So… DO they feel natural? I gotta know.

Jenny’s last blog post..It’s Go Time

Karmyn R Says:

Giggling – because once I had to feel a Drag Queen’s boobies to see how “real” they felt.

My best friend in College had tinies too – she would actually put band-aids over the nipples when wearing certain outfits so she wouldn’t pop out. I have NEVER had this problem. I’ve actually thought about the reverse.

Karmyn R’s last blog post..Another Boring Pregnancy Post….

Loralee Says:

My implants are one of the best things I have ever done.


(And? I know I totally owe you an email. Is it a bad sign when you are overwhelmed at the thought of writing an email because it means you have to thing about all the huge things that surround it? Sigh. I’m tired.)

Loralee’s last blog post..It helps reminds me why it’s good to be alive?

warriorwoman Says:

on boobs: I can’t imagine who’d want more

warriorwoman’s last blog post..the full brazillian

Ree Says:

Tell Skinny Bitch I’ll feel her up. ;-) I always wanted to know if implants felt natural.

Ree’s last blog post..I Warned You

lceel Says:

I will gladly volunteer to fill in, at any time, as an ad hoc boob job inspector/texture assessor. Given my many years of experience in the field, I feel it’s only right and proper for me to offer my expertise in this, a critical area for the proper maintenance of self esteem in young and otherwise flat-chested women.

I only ask expenses. Properly approached, I might even bear the expenses myself.

lceel’s last blog post..Spring has sprung

iamthediva Says:

I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to grope an implated boob. i often imagine it’s like jello in a balloon – but if anything porn has taught me to believe is true – is that it’s a skin bag filled with cement cuz those puppies never move!! it’s weird. and sometimes they jut out at weird angles that are kinda scary. i’m hoping that SB has very lovely curves and not the weird pokey outy angles that terrify me in the adult film industry.

i’ve always maintained that as soon as the kids are out of my womb and there is no longer a “practical” need for this chichones, they are getting the knife! i wanna be a nice B cup. Not the current DoubleD that they are (Even before pregnancy, you can imagine, they’re probably Es by now.)

Memarie Lane Says:

In my experience with gay men (and remember I’m from Palm Springs, so I’ve had quite a lot), they may be gay, but they love them some boobage.

Brad promised me that when I’m done with childbearing and he’s had his vasectomy, I can have a lift and reduction. Can’t stuff DD boobs into clothes either, especially clothes for skinny people. I am stuck with loose t-shirts, which is a real shame. I’d love to show them off, but I don’t want them falling out either. Ya know?

Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Starbucks!

B'dum B'dum Says:

I’m from rural Ireland and I dont think I ever encountered a definite homosexual, I’ve a very camp cousin if that counts.

B’dum B’dum’s last blog post..Butterfly Burial

Old Knudsen 2 Times award winning commenter Says:

You won’t get gheys in rural Ireland too much competition from the sheep.
Anyway are you handing out numbers for this line? I wasn’t weened off the tit until I was 23 so I love all tits big and small though some false ones are really bad especially in the porn industry that I used to work in as an actor. Some fakies can get too jostled they move out of place and look very silly . Don’t take my word for it go look at some porn now.

Old Knudsen 2 Times award winning commenter’s last blog post..Disrespecting The Dead Can Be Quite Costly

B'dum B'dum Says:

rural ireland has embraced the whole sheepshagging joke thing too much now, like gays embracing “queer” and all.

I own 6 sheep myself, guess the price of one?

besides the gays would prefer rams wouldn’t they?

B’dum B’dum’s last blog post..Butterfly Burial

Val Says:

Betcha she was bending over, scrunching her shoulders together to make some cleavage and feelin’ her most feminine best….God love her. You go girl.

Val’s last blog post..A pinch of this and…..

kaylee Says:


kaylee’s last blog post..Baseball game

Heidi Says:

25 bras?! I don’t think my cumulative bra count would even come close to 25…

teeni Says:

Ha! Funny – I always wanted to be flatchested when I was younger.

teeni’s last blog post..Earth Day Speech

kailani Says:

ROFL! That was the most hilarious stories I’ve heard in a long time.

A lot of flight attendants get boob jobs and insist on showing them to everyone. I wonder if it’s because they view them as a purchase? If they were real, would they still go around showing them to people?

Just wondering.

kailani’s last blog post..Nothing Much Going On Around Here

nan Says:

*looking sad* No-one wants hangy down boobies? All you people can go on about is “bigger, smaller,” and not ONCE have I heard “Oooh, I want hangy-down boobies so I will always know where my pencil is”.

nan’s last blog post..Sunday morning

Just Beachy Says:

this is totally off topic, but have you seen rachael ray’s (do you get her in canada?) tit’s on the current issue of her magazine? I’ve been watching for many years, and all I can say is she should lift up the shirt and let Will-Yummy grab a feel to compare. Ka.Pow. they’ve increase in size.

Just Beachy’s last blog post..Wings At the Marina

witchypoo Says:

I swear the comments here are better than the main content.
B’dum: Moobs are generally squishy. Don’t ask how I know that.
Jenny: Yes. I felt Skinny Bitch up. They felt natural to me, but I have only my own to compare. The implants were behind the chest wall, so she had what little tissue from before to make them seem natural.
Karmyn R: Yes, I know from my nephew
that drag queens are always looking to have their boobage felt.
Loralee: Your implants are totally gropable. I can only imagine the fun you will have at BlogHer.
Ree:I’ll have her look you up when she is in your area. She is all about educating the masses about her spectacular boobs.

witchypoo Says:

Heidi: They were ridiculously on sale, since they weren’t needed for support. They were basically boobie decoration.
Kailani: That makes a lot of sense. Flashing boobage as a means of displaying your purchase. Although she wasn’t shy about flashing her nipples when that’s all she had. Back then though, she didn’t insist that you feel them.
lCeel: Well, it is a dirty job, and somebody has to do it, but I assure you that SB never suffered from self-esteem issues, before and after her boob job.
Diva: They truly are spectacular. Nothing weirdly angled or anything. She got plenty of sex when she only had nipples, she just did it for the clothes. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true.
Memarie Lane:Now that I think of it, I have never been groped so much as I was by drag queens. For some reason, I didn’t feel molested or violated. Perhaps it’s because they viewed me with envy, not lust.
Nan:Nobody wants to buy the hangy down boobies because nature provides them free. But it sure is handy having pencil storage.
Just Beachy: I expect that ole Rachel is just trying to find creative ways to spend her money.
I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone, you people are awesome! I think the Peep of the Week this Sunday will be a hoot!

Mylifeasmomma Says:

Oh I know how skinny bithc feels. I had saggy tiny boobies and got implants. I LOVE THEM!
At first I aked everyone to touch them but then I embarrassed one of my guy friends pretty bad so I stopped.
Mine DO feel real. There is a way to do it nowadays.

Oh and hypenmama said you were a healer? And than you can make my kid get some sleep? PLEASE TELL ME HOW!

Mylifeasmomma’s last blog post..Update on friend

B'dum B'dum Says:

i wonder did a psychiatrist ever prescribe breast implants to a patient with low self-esteem?

B’dum B’dum’s last blog post..Greeks and Geeks

Nicole Says:

I am happy with my boobies, but I wish I had your friend’s confidence!

Marie in Maine Says:

Great story, I wonder what the old ladies told everyone when they got home.

Why do Scots wear kilts?

Cuz the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Marie in Maine’s last blog post..Good Eats courtesy of Alton Brown

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