August 30th, 2008

Written late last night:

I never had the urge to blog when I had a drink in me, but Warrrior Woman’s contest changed my mind. (A bit)

See, I just spent the last three hours on the phone (while drinking wine!) with my beloved shaman friend in Texas, Lucy in da Sky. I have a kick arse long distance plan where calls cost me 25¢, no matter how long we talk.

When I first encountered her online, my phone bills to Texas would be easily $600 per month. Really. And I had dialup internet. Yes, it was more than ten years ago. I just had to talk to her every day. It was more important than food. I had found a kindred spirit.

The two of us have the dirtiest laughs evah. Except for my mom. She had an even dirtier laugh than us. But Mom’s dead now, so we dirty laugh supreme. And laugh? Oh Mah Holy Hell do we laugh.

We analyze the motives behind all the political goings on. We have it all figured out. We have determined that nobody in government has our best interests at heart. Radical concept, but we believe it thoroughly.

We hear clicks on the line and coo to the Homeland Security folks. Tell them that they might want to load up on coffee; this is going to be a long and boring conversation. (for them)

We have determined that Gustav is a maverick, and we fear his wrath. We think it will be worse than Katrina. There are a lot of things to talk about in three hours.

She fears for her future in the Ewe Ess of Ay. People in Texas fear anybody who is different. She. Is different. They can smell her difference.

I love her so much that I told her that I would marry her. It’s legal in Canada. I told her not to worry about that pesky sex thing. I’m not a canoe licker anyway, but we would have a spiritual marriage. The finest possible kind. If I got horny I could keep outside pets.

So how is that for blunk drogging? I proposed marriage to a woman (a woman!) that I love with all my heart, but have never even seen a picture of.

But? I have seen her heart.


It is glorious.

Warrior Woman? If that doesn’t win your contest, you can place that pentagram where the sun don’t shine.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 30th, 2008 at 10:26 am and is filed under contests. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

21 Responses to “Blunk Drogging”

Marie in Maine Says:

OMG I have never heard “canoe licker!” You should win just on that alone.

Can I be your maid of honor? And Warrior Woman can be your best man, seeing as it’s that kind of wedding. I will make you a huge whoopie pie in lieu of a cake, since you won’t be making whoopie w/yer friend.

Jenny Says:

Perfect drunk blogging post!

And… tell your shaman friend to move to Colorado. We are SOOOOOO loving to all different people. Hello… we have the People’s Republic of Boulder! Nanoo, nanoo.

Jennys last blog post..Mostly Sober Blogging—You Never Forget Your First Love

Karen Says:

Woman, you made me laugh out loud for the first time in many days while I was reading my morning blogs. Canoe licker, hahahaha, I am going to have to remember that.

Karens last blog post..Counting Cactus, or The Day I Was An Environmental Consultant

Whoopie Pies and Lobster » I’m Frittata Diva, Baby Says:

[...] friend Witchypoo at Psychicgeek has entered Warrior Woman’s drunken blogging contest. I must say, it’s very tempting… but if [...]

warriorwoman Says:


warriorwomans last blog the family

warriorwoman Says:

You’re right that was a damn good post.
And I wanna be the friggin flower girl.
Packs of smokes in lieu of gifts.
I’m wear black because I think white will make me burst into flames, plus I don’t own any other color.

Thanks for playing.

warriorwomans last blog the family

witchypoo Says:

Warrior Woman: You say bitch like it’s a bad thing?
We’ll all wear black.

lceel Says:

Can I be a pet?

lceels last blog post..Friday Haiku – Astro-naught

Angella Says:

You should blunk drog more often.

Angellas last blog post..Back To Basics: Photo Composition

mp Says:

I can’t believe you can drunk blog and create links..that’s good.

mps last blog post..Your one shop post..everything you needed to know…

The Over-Thinker Says:

May I please do the ceremony? Don’t forget that I’m an internet revered.

And I’m friggin’ envious of your phone plan.

So, is it safe to say that you won’t be floating in a canoe anytime soon? Even so, maybe we could do the ceremony in a canoe–symbolism and all that jazz.

The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Figuratively Mark Your Figurative Calendars!

Krissa Says:

Witchy-poo, in my experience, everyone in Texas is different. Whether they know it or not. If they’re smart they know it and enlarge upon it. That’s one of the reasons it’s such a fine place to live!
Isn’t it one of life’s best gifts to have someone who so totally GETS you?

teeni Says:

OMFG – this was such a hoot. I hope it isn’t bad that I like when you blunk drog. Not that I could ever explain this post to another human being even if I had all the time in the world, but I enjoyed the heck out of it nonetheless. Anyway, as long as you weren’t blunk driving, it’s all good. ;)

Kelley Says:

Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa!!

Bravo woman! That was awesome!

Ree Says:

Love those jammies over at Warrior Woman’s blog. ;-)

Rees last blog post..Friday Haiku – Creativity Blocked

just beachy Says:

You mean your not supposed to blog drunk? Shit, I may need to erase most of my blog. Also, Canoe Licker! I don’t think I have ever heard anything funnier in my whole life.

Minnesota Matron Says:

Uncork more and write, sweetie. I hope you’re wrong about Gustav! Just so you know. . . the post is coming on Tuesday — remember you said my kid actor was the real deal? Big role coming. . . .

Minnesota Matrons last blog post..Educating the Matron

Minnesota Matron Says:

Oh, the point of that previous post is that you were right. You nailed it. Hope you’re a bit off on Gustav but I have a bad feeling too.

Minnesota Matrons last blog post..Educating the Matron

christy Says:

I see I’m not the only one who’s never heard of “canoe licking”.

Sounds so……Canadian.

I have never found that kind of soul mate, you lucky girl! I love this post. You can hear the love in your heart for her.

christys last blog post..Evolution–100 word challenge

Loralee Says:


I don’t even want to THINK what would show up on the screen if I was drunk.

YOU however, should do it more often. :)

Loralees last blog post..Sideblog: The end of an era