April 16th, 2009 | 19 Comments »

I don’t think you even want to click over from your reader unless you want to read about craptastic stuff that doesn’t empower you. If that’s where you’re at, pull up a chair. I have coffee. Help yourself to some. You’ll need it to stay awake.

  • I have an uninvited houseguest. I’m actively plotting her murder. And she is pregnant. I can tell by her size and the way she moves when she scurries under my stove. I’m silently imploring her to eat the poison I left under the stove. Night before last, she was so bold, she came into the living room.
  • I hate meeces to peeces.
  • There is something in the airwaves today that is sucking the emotional life out of my clients. Honestly, I had two in a row that I was totally unable to inspire, even when I saw good things for them. They sucked me into their vortex of despair. Well, I don’t feel despair, just really, really tired.
  • I had plenty of sleep last night.
  • I have a cavity that is increasing in size due to a phobia. I was 18 when I went to the only (so-called) dentist in my area. It was hugely traumatic. His hands were dirty, his breath smelled of alcohol, and now I cannot tolerate any hands or tools in my mouth. It felt like a form of rape.
  • I have a doctor’s appointment to get a referral to an acupuncturist for the terrible pain in my shoulder and arm that anti-inflammatory drugs do not touch. I’m terrified of narcotics. I never want to have another MRI. Non-invasive, my left foot. It took me three full days for my energy field to right itself from the last one. And surgery? I don’t think so.
  • I’m going to ask for antibiotics at the same time for the tooth. So I can make the appointment, take a few happy pills, and have no infection when the torture dental appointment happens.
  • This has become the anti Grace in Small Things, hasn’t it? Sorry, Schmutzie.
Posted in it's all about me
April 14th, 2009 | 9 Comments »

How to make lemonade of all these lemons? Feeling the sadness of the blogosphere for two families that lost their babies recently, even though I wasn’t previously aware of their blogs. Maddie’s funeral is today. My mom’s birthday. The day of her funeral four years ago. Thalon’s service will be announced soon, I expect. For those of you who are not on Twitter, or have been hibernating, lots of folks have purpled up their blog or avatar, in honour of Maddie. I don’t want to choose one over the other by purpling up, but I do ask the prayer inclined to keep these families in your hearts. If you wish to financially help these two families, who never dreamed they would have to bury their precious angels, you may do so here.

Thalon’s family.

Maddie’s family.

Now let’s see if I can be grateful amongst all my grumbles:

  • The snow that fell yesterday has melted.
  • The furnace that was not working yesterday is repaired.
  • The tradespeople that invaded my home and workspace were very pleasant and respectful.
  • I am enjoying the smell of hamstock simmering on the stove.
  • That I had my mother as long as I did.
April 7th, 2009 | 25 Comments »

When I was about eleven years old, my Grammie and Grampie came to stay with us because of proximity to a first-rate hospital, which wasn’t available in our little pissant hometown. The hometown that I dearly love.

Grampie had had a heart attack in his mid-fifties. We weren’t supposed to jump out of nowhere and go “Boo!” because that might get his heart all wonky. This was revealed to me after several such incidents.

He was also very superstitious. I tortured him by raising an umbrella inside the house. I’m sure he was freaking out all day (now that I consider it. I was a total arsehole then, and considered nothing) That same day, I fell through the ice at recess, while playing on the forbidden lake, and hid this from Grampie, so he wouldn’t say “I told you so.”

But the nicest way I killed my Grampie was at mealtime. We had to stay seated at the table until our plates were cleaned. There were only two things I absolutely could not gag down. Liver. And cabbage. I never did make friends with liver.

Grampie, because of his heart condition, was not allowed chicken skin. Thus, the bargaining would begin. I would cleverly hide my chicken skin under the heaps of cabbage on my plate, and we would both eat very slowly. Everyone else was excused from the table. Grampie was left to supervise the cabbage consumption. My Grampie would wait until the coast was clear, and eat my cabbage for me, to reveal the forbidden chicken skin underneath.

Oh, how we rubbed our hands together in conspiratorial glee that we had foiled the food police together!

Unfortunately, Grampie died while staying with us. Another heart attack.

I miss him.

And I still save the chicken skin for him.

It’s the least I can do.

April 6th, 2009 | 12 Comments »

There is an initiative started by Catherine, Her Bad Mother, and her friend, David, to highlight 80 moms around the world, and link back to them so they can see who has participated.

It’s all Ree’s fault. She put me up to it. The deal is to write five things you love about being a mom. I responded that I can barely count to five, but then I remembered, I have my purdy heart bullets, and they’re all about love, aren’t they?

  • I love how they are light-years ahead of me when I was their age. Not saying I take credit for it, but, wow. Smarter, more character, the list goes on.
  • I love how they make me laugh. Both are dead-on mimics, and Ass Burger Boy continues to hone his stand-up comedy routine. Also, they get the joke when I mess with them. Phew. Cause I really enjoy messing with them.
  • That smarter thing? The look of wonder in your child’s eyes as they see something for the first time? Totally addictive.
  • Some parents would die if their children never left home. My younger informed me when he was nine years old that he would always live with me. I’m good with that until he gets a wife. He’s pretty good company.
  • The love I felt when I first looked into their eyes? It was the most healing thing I have ever experienced. They have made me want to be a better person, for them. It ain’t about the nursing home. Your children eventually will hold you accountable.

So the deal is, you link to Catherine and David and me, pick someone in another country to do the same, and write your five things that you love about being a mother.

Then we will all clickety-click around the world, even to some who might not be considered mommy bloggers. (That would be me.) One blogger I consider inspirational and fun is Nan. She lives in Trinidad and Tobago, but will soon be relocating to England. I guess those are both other countries. Also? I nominate Zoe and Hyphen Mama, because I just don’t know how they do it with such humour. A Canuck living in my neck of the woods? That would be Kate of Sweet|Salty fame. And a transplanted American living nearby is Jessica of Daysgoby.

So, start hopping around the world with your virtual clicks! Fun!

Posted in bloggy things
April 3rd, 2009 | 17 Comments »

I just found the images I took last summer of Skinny Bitch and Will Yummy, just before I was kidnapped into a camping trip.

I had always wanted to convey the enormity of the cocktail glasses that Skinny Bitch uses, and finally! I have photographic evidence.

Thanks to Linda for reminding me to post puzzles.

Create your own puzzles at PuzzleBee.com!

Enjoy!